I have a few followers of my blog so I do not want you to return to it day after day looking for an additional blog...I have made (including this one) 130 posts..a few people have found them interesting but I have concluded that the interest is not sufficient to warrant continuing so this will be my last post.  I only say that so you will not be looking for others. If you have found any of the posts interesting I suggest you reread some of the old ones as there are 130 of them.  Each one follows a different idea or theme.
I wondered what I should dedicate my final post to--something that is REALLY important to me.

So, I concluded that I would like to write a message on mothers and fathers.

Why is that my choice?  I did not have any relationship with my own father who died when I was 16 years old.  My relationship with my mother was also complicated due to mental health problems in our family. I am happy to say that she and I finally had a loving relationship in the finals years of her life.  I do look forward to seeing  both of them again someday when I pass from this mortal life...it will be great to see them and renew my relationship with them under different circumstances.


I DO NOT THINK THERE IS ANYTHING THAT I FEEL MORE STRONGLY ABOUT THAN..... THAT OVER TIME MANY PARENTS WILL REGRET THAT THEY DEDICATED MUCH MORE TIME TO THINGS THAT MATTER LESS THAN THEY DID TO THEIR FAMILY AND THEIR CHILDREN WHICH THEY HAVE COME TO REALIZE MATTER MOST.  HOME IS WHERE THE MOST IMPORTANT THINGS HAPPEN.

For me, my own fatherhood and grandfatherhood have been a complex journey.  It is hard to do that which you have never witnessed before. I never saw fatherhood, motherhood, or grandparenthood in my own family.  So when I became a father and grandfather I found myself trying to notice and study how others did it.  But often I was lost in my own weaknesses and personal struggles and I did not rise to the challenge.  I did have some good days, however.  At times I was afraid to try because I did not know what to do. Now I am the father of ten and the grandfather of forty....and I can only observe the fruits of my efforts as a father...sometimes wistfully...sometimes happily.

So, what is my point in all of this?  I do believe, after 45 years of being a father and 40 years as a psychologist and marriage counselor that there is NO CAREER INVESTMENT, NO INVESTMENT IN GETTING BETTER AT GOLF, NO INVESTMENT IN EARNING MORE MONEY, NO INVESTMENT IN OUR OWN RECREATIONAL ACTIVITIES...NO INVESTMENT IN ANY OTHER THNG...THAT WILL EVER MATCH WHATEVER INVESTMENT WE MAKE IN OUR OWN FAMILY AND THE WELL-BEING OF EACH MEMBER OF OUR FAMILY.  SPEAKING FOR MYSELF...I WOULD SAY THAT NOTHING ELSE MATTERS MUCH COMPARED WITH WHAT I MAKE OF MYSELF AS A FATHER.

MOTHERS?  Wow, I just sit back and watch and marvel..and honor each one.  Every time they give birth they literally put their lives on the line for their child and their family.  It is a sacrifice no man will ever fully understand.  I remember when President Ezra Taft Benson, in the 80-s, made a heartfelt petition to mothers to return to the home rather than be in the workplace.  He understood very well that there are many mothers who MUST be in the workplace.  He well understood the marvelous contribution of women in the work of the world.  He was not relegating them to a "role of lesser value in the home"..........He saw the home as the place of greatest value in preparing the next generation...and he knew the mothers had to be there as their gifts were essential in the development of a healthy family.  His request for as many as possible to be home was a compliment of the highest order.
He felt that the day would come when we would all wish we could have been tutored and taught by our mothers.....that home would be a school where mothers taught their children how to be good people, how to be parents, and how to serve others.  Mothers have a special and unique gift in teaching such things as they have a sense of Christlike love and sensitivity that is a great blessing for their families.  But they have to be there to offer that gift. So, I guess we wish "mom" could be everywhere at the same time.  They have the touch of gold.
I greatly admire the wonderful mothers of this world who are charged with providing for their families as well as teaching their families. Their sacrifices are difficult to describe...but we all feel their sacrifices.

WELL, I DO BELIEVE THE ONE THING THAT WILL CHANGE THE WORLD IS WHEN MOTHERS AND FATHERS MAKE BEING MOTHER AND FATHER THE NUMBER ONE VALUE OF THEIR LIVES.  THAT WILL CHANGE THE WORLD MORE THAN ANY OTHER THING.  Have a nice day. Jim

Take a few minutes and consider how this one applies to you and how you live your life currently...................

"Maintaining order rather than correcting disorder is the ultimate principle of wisdom.  To cure disease after is has appeared is like digging a well when one feels thirsty, or forging weapons after the war has already begun."

Huangdi Neijing, 2nd Century BC

DUTY

We live in a day when counting on someone to do their duty is a flip of the coin.  We cannot count on them as we used to.

  A person's word used to be the same as their "word of honor".....

You may have heard the well known account of Karl G Maeser, first president of Brigham Young University (Brigham Young Academy initially)...when he was asked to define "word of honor"....he said "I have been asked what I mean by 'word of honor.'  I will tell you.  Place me behind prison walls--walls of stone ever so high, ever so thick, reaching so far into the ground---there is a possibility that in some way or another I might be able to escape; but stand me on the floor and draw a chalk line around me and have me give my word of honor never to cross it.  Can I get out of that circle?  NO, NEVER! I'd die first."
 

President Gordon B Hinckley, former president of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints said in a talk on TRUST and ACCOUNTABILITY.... I think of Lord Nelson on the morning of the Battle of Trafalgar when he said: "England expects every man will do his duty."  After that fierce and bloody contest, as he stood on the deck of his ship to extend humanity to his enemy, a ball was fired within fifteen yards of where he stood.

He fell to the deck, his spine shattered.  He expired three and a quarter hours later, his last articulated words being, "Thank God, I have done my duty." (21 October 1805, from Robert Southey, Life of Nelson, ch. 9)

A tall shaft and statue stand in his honor in Trafalgar Square in London. 

Maybe we can re-create, by our own decisions and choices, a day and time when our word of honor again means something that is crystal clear and absolute in its meaning and intent.

Have a nice day. Jim

"Kind words can warm for three winters while harsh words can chill in the heat of the sun..."

I do not know the author

A recommendation for parents who still have children in the home:

As a married couple (parents)  one of the greatest things you can do to contribute to the future well being of your family and children is this:  SIT DOWN TOGETHER AS PARENTS AND IDENTIFY A SPECIFIC GOAL FOR EACH OF YOUR CHILDREN AND THEN CREATE A PLAN THAT WILL HELP YOU ACHIEVE THAT GOAL WITH EACH OF THE CHILDREN IN ORDER TO PROMOTE THE INDIVIDUAL GROWTH AND PROGRESS OF EACH ONE.

Do that regularly.  Work on the plan to reach the goal for a period of time...attempting to help each child progress. Compliment them on their progress.  After a period of time...change to a new goal with each child and, in the long run, you will see wonderful growth and progress in each person in your family.  Work as a family TEAM.


Have a nice day. Jim

 I read the coolest article in BYU Studies today about a man who was reminiscing over his past and mostly his childhood and youth.  Very touching and thought provoking.

BUT I LEARNED SOMETHING THAT I WOULD LIKE TO PASS ON TO THE REST OF YOU!!  It was not directly in the article but the contents of the article caused me to consider what I will say next.

Out of the 124 posts I have written for my blog SPARKY'S LEARNING KORNER  I have spoken a few times about my own childhood and youth. For me to write about such things is a complex matter since I do not want to live in the past but, at the same time, I continually try to learn from my past.  I also have tried to share my own lessons of the past with my ten children.  That is also a complex issue since my past is mostly "not fun" (a term we use so commonly today to describe the "good stuff in life...the good stuff is "fun")...but my past holds within it some VERY VALUABLE LESSONS for all of us in this family.

Well, the lesson that hit me today about my generation and the generations that follow me is this:  Even though we should not live in the past or let the past hold us hostage....we should SELECTIVELY share those lessons with THE NEXT GENERATION.  We are trying to improve each generation, right?  How can I help improve my children's generation if I do not "let them in on" the lessons learned during MY generation?

Continuing that theme--likewise MY children should share the lessons of THEIR generation (which include what they learned from me) with the next generation (that of their children, or my grandchildren)...and so on.  The LEARNING OF EACH GENERATION SHOULD BE CONSCIOUSLY AND INTENTIONALLY SHARED WITH SUCCEEDING GENERATIONS.

How do we do that?  I am not sure.  Journals?  Blogs?  Interviews?  My wife writes down the "top ten lessons" she learned during her childhood and youth and sends them to our ten children?  And they can then pass those on to their children?  Plus, our children can then do the same---write down the top ten lessons they learned during their childhood and youth--and give those to their children.  They could provide their children with a copy of what I wrote and what Sherri wrote in answering that top ten lessons question.

Well, I think you get the idea.  SOMEHOW WE SHOULD FIND A WAY TO SHARE THE LESSONS OF EACH GENERATION WITH THE NEXT GENERATION...AND POSSIBLY SUCCEEDING GENERATIONS.

I have an original handwritten letter written by my great grandmother, Jane MacLean in 1864!  She wrote it to her family several months after her marriage to my great grandfather James MacArthur in Lobo Township, London, Ontario, Canada. It is fascinating to read her description of marriage, her new husband...life in very rural Lobo Township etc.  By reading the words of my great grandmother...she TAUGHT ME  well over a hundred years after she penned the actual words of the letter.

I have kept a personal journal since 1976. I wish I had done it longer. I have over 2000 pages of handwritten journal entries that may be of interest and value to my posterity some day.
But I still think that if I were to take time to write about the TOP TEN LESSONS I LEARNED DURING MY CHILDHOOD AND YOUTH....and sent that to my adult children...that maybe I would forge a LINK between my generation and theirs based in passing on KEY LESSONS that will help IMPROVE the generations that succeed me.

Well, just a thought. Have a nice day. Jim

There are moments in life that bring everything to a clear reality....we live each day AS IF we know who we are really and what we are doing on earth.  Is being here a cruel joke?  An accident of fate?  Where did we come from?  Why are we here?  Does anything we do even matter?  Why and how does it matter if it does? Is there a Divine Being who has some relationship with us? Does he want us to do certain things here or is it just up to us?  Are we here to enjoy ourselves? To learn? Grow? Develop? Is there a purpose to all this?  When we die where do we go? Is there any relationship between what happens here and what happens next? How do we find out if we do not know for sure?  Is it enough to "believe in God" and hope for the best?  Is there a God?  What is He like?  Are we content with guessing at the answers to these important questions or is there a certain/sure way to answer them?

Well, 9 years ago today at noon...my wife Sherri and I, along with Rodger and Patti Shumaker (the other grandparents) and our good friend Jim Petersen....sat in the living room of our daughter Lindi and her husband Rodger's condominium and watched our grandson Parker Rodger Shumaker pass away.  He was just 20 months old.  Lindi and Rodger held Parker in their arms as his breathing slowed down and stopped.  Our beautiful, wonderful little Parker was gone from us.  Lindi and Rodger quietly left the room with Parker in their arms and took him to their bedroom and read his favorite story book to him one last time.
A few days later we had his funeral. 
Moments like these are sobering in that they cause you to dig deep and do a doublecheck on what you believe about relationships with those you love after life is over......at moments like that you realize you do not want to GUESS.  You do not want to live by the word MAYBE....or POSSIBLY...I will see my grandson, daughter, dad, uncle, grandmother, good friend etc again...No...for me it would have been the worst moment of my life if I had been guessing or only hoping.

I know where Parker is...I know what he is doing.  I know I will see him again and that he will be my grandson and I will be his grandfather. I know families can be eternal.  I understand how what I do on this earth relates to what I will do after this life. I know what the possibilities are.  I know what is required of me..and of you...for us to live with those we love eternally.
For me, there is no guessing.  On the day we said a temporary good-bye to Parker...I was deeply grateful for the fact that I can answer all those questions I proposed in the first paragraph of this post.  There is an eternal peace and surety that is in my heart.  Have a nice day.  Jim 

Well, the last post on improving our health was a "bust"..no one interested in that subject! :) I will remember that for the future!


"THE ART OF BEING WISE IS THE ART OF KNOWING WHAT TO OVERLOOK"

William James

" IMPORTANT PRINCIPLES MAY AND MUST BE INFLEXIBLE."   Abraham Lincoln

"TELL THE TRUTH. LIVE THE TRUTH. LIVE SO THAT YOU DON'T HAVE TO REMEMBER WHAT YOU SAID." 
Richard L. Evans   I often do not remember what I said but that is due to age not integrity!
 

Just a few thoughts to toy around with during the day.  Maybe you can do something with them?  Bye   Jim 

Any of you who read my blog with any degree of regularity know that I write about a wide variety of themes and topics--mostly it will be something I have been reading lately or sometimes something I have learned that I am passing along.

Today I will share something I have recently learned.

 I take a publication called  HEALTH RADAR which shares information on healthy advice and practices that are intended to be of benefit to the general public.

The July, 2014 issue just came and I found several things I would like to share:

5 Factors that Reverse Heart Disease

1. Increase fiber
2. East more fish
3. Increase nutrient levels ( eating a healthy diet will provide most vitamins and nutrients, but not necessarily all that your heart needs) "supplements can benefit your heart needs even if you eat well, exercise regularly, and manage stress," says Dr. Masley author of  The 30 day Heart Tune-up... He recommends taking a daily, well balanced multivitamin. Consult with your doctor if you  have special needs.
4. Reduce body fat
5. Increase your fitness.  "People who exercise regularly have 40% fewer heart attacks, strokes or cases of sudden death." says Dr Masley. "Regular exercise can help turn a sick, stiff, plaque-coated artery into a healthy one"  He believes that eventually exercise needs to be "intense to reverse heart disease."
But the Jim MacArthur method which I have been applying since I got home from my mission is to begin with whatever you can reasonably do but challenge yourself a little...and then increase your exercise to a point where it is evidence of doing something that stretches you a little."
I started with a 20 minute walk and am now doing 2 hours every morning of brisk walking and I "sprinkle" in about 15 minutes of jogging during the time I am out.  I intend to do longer and longer walks with a little more jogging. My next birthday is 70 so I am trying to be aware of my knees, hips etc...but I do feel I need to push myself a little to strengthen my overall body.

One final observation from this month's HEALTH RADAR is this--from a segment called FIT AFTER 50............ "the most important indicator of a person's risk for heart problems and diabetes is their current weight."

Well, there may be some who will dispute some of this but I have been a jogger most of my adult life and have had a few bouts with borderline diabetes which required me to meet with a clinical dietitian (I now have one in my family--my daughter Lori!!) and to do a lot of reading about how to improve one's adult health.

All that I have read, from MANY different sources tells me that there are several things that makes a HUGE difference in improving your general health and they are: 1) maintain a level of weight that is appropriate for your height 2) have a regular exercise program that challenges you a little 3) do things that help you with stress reduction 4) eat healthily and AVOID JUNK FOOD..GET RID OF SODA!  5) get a regular good night's sleep that is restful.

So if this helps you  to think about how to improve your health then you will be able to live a more quality life and to be with your family.  Have a nice day. Jim

The essence, the "core" of a person is what endures.  In our modern western world we have learned to fascinate ourselves with things in the short run...the temporary term of things.  And it is bringing us down in a tragic way.  Thus our obsession with food, sex, the body, pleasure, and that the "ends justify the means"....the ends justify the means as long as we "get what we want in the short run".
We have become a society in love with THE TEMPORARY...and due to that we have become a society of addiction. Why?  Because the essence of living in the "short run" REQUIRES  that we refill over and over, and very quickly, whatever we have chosen to "carry in our buckets".  Think about that...what do you carry in your bucket that has to be replaced quickly and over and over again?

Food?  Sex?  Pleasure?  Drugs?  Fame? Power?  Maintaining your grievances?  Control?  Having it "your way"?  Anger?  Selfishness?  Protecting your "secrets"?  Being right?  Competing for attention? Punishing others for hurting you?  Beauty?

OK--now I KNOW some of you reading this are looking at my list (and it could be tons longer) and you are justifying some or all of the things on my list.  In and of themselves..many of them are justifiable.  I agree.  But that is not my point.  My point is that we can be owned by each of them and then they begin to control us, own us...drive us to seek them insatiably.  If that is not happening in your life with any of these--then I pronounce you HEALTHY. :) 
But, in my 40 years of being a psychologist and working with people who are struggling to stay on top of their lives...I have seen that such temporary things, like those on my list above, often begin to define us and own us.  They take control of our lives.  That is not good. We should change that if it is occurring as it affects us and the members of our family and friends around us.

So, what IS the TRUE CORE of an emotionally healthy person?  It is their CHARACTER.  In the center of their being, their soul....they will find, carefully tucked away some very powerful, beautiful and ENDURING personal characteristics that can be the core of who they are. And the beauty of such a view of the emotionally healthy person is that their character can ENDURE.  It is not temporary and it does not control and drive them.....
As they discover it, feed it, develop it.....a calm comes over them...they sense something enduring and permanent inside of them...they realize they do not need the short-term quick fixes that so easily stimulate them....the short term "fixes" they must pay attention to in every moment...or they do not "feel good." 

Short term fixes that are in our bucket require us to always be checking to see if enough of our fix is in the bucket.  We panic if we do not regularly have enough of them.  Think about that versus the calm, enduring, permanency-laden CHARACTER of a person.  It was with you before you were born, and it can be with you all during your mortal life if you choose to acknowledge it...and it will go with you into eternity.  The other stuff just fools you, takes ownership of you, cheats you, and as you get older, leaves you empty and feeling that you deceived yourself.

Think about it.  Intriguing new ideas for some....a good reminder for others.....have a nice day. Jim

"A happy family is but an earlier heaven."

Sir John Bowring

Since I grew up in a family that struggled and much of the time I did not see how healthy parents function ....I have asked myself many times as a parent in my own family..... "what is the condition of our home?"

But the true underlying question is "what are my standards for my home?  By what do I measure the condition of my home?"

Of course that is YOUR decision. YOU choose the standards by which your home and family function....

But I can suggest you write down TEN words that represent some of the standards of your ideal home. Then thoughtfully reduce the ten to THREE.  And then study the condition of those three for a month and see if you can strengthen your home in those three areas.  I think you will be pleasantly surprised to find YOU and YOUR FAMILY can strengthen your home in amazing ways.

EXAMPLE:  What if you decide that the THREE words you choose will be:  LOVING ATMOSPHERE, WELL ORGANIZED, and GOSPEL CENTERED.

Then you next question is:  What do we do in our family to promote those three areas?  Have a family council and talk about your plan.  Meet together every two weeks to see how you are doing.  BUT THOSE THREE WORDS CAN GUIDE YOUR HOME AND FAMILY TO MEANINGFUL PROGRESS THAT STRENGTHENS ALL OF YOU.


If you try it and it helps you send me an email at sparky7264@gmail.com and tell me about it...it makes me happy to see families progress by working together. Have a nice day.  Jim

"Every person has secret sorrows which the world knows not; and often times we call that person cold when he is only sad."

Henry Wadsworth Longfellow


And with that, I say "good night" and hope you have many nice days ahead. Jim

In my profession as a psychologist, and in my own personal life, I  have seen suffering which is very difficult to get over.  It seems to become a part of us...the hurt does.  The hurt we suffered finds a place in our soul and makes a niche for itself and establishes permanent residence.

To the many people I have met who will recognize those words above as being descriptive of their own lives....I know you have often heard "just get over it"............and you feel that it is not so easy.
I have had my own very tough experiences with allowing hurt to find a longterm residence inside me.  After allowing it to be there too long.....it becomes harder and harder to ask it to leave.  It has found a home within us.  Sometimes it stays because we want it to.  Sometimes it stays because it begins to serve a certain purpose--it may justify our anger or feed our self pity.  And sometimes it stays because we just pay way too much attention to it.

Sometimes it stays because we do not know how to ask it to leave.  We feel helpless in the embrace of its power.  So there are lots of reasons why it is there and why it remains.  Here, in these few sentences, I would not be able to tell you how to rid yourself of your deep pain which has been there so long........but I think I have a couple of ideas that may help you to begin the process of ridding yourself of it..........

Accept responsibility for beginning to rid yourself of it.  You can ask for help, of course, but you must know this is YOUR JOB.  It is your responsibility.  You have to not want it to be there any longer.  How it started is no longer relevant when so much time has passed.  You will now take charge of its ultimate exit from your soul.

Do all you can to stop feeding it.  It can't live without being fed by your attention to its existence.

And finally, lots of people are suffering similar dilemmas.......go give them some help.  It will nourish the goodness and the nobility within you and the painful place will no longer feel natural....it will get smaller....you will think about it less.  The place within you where it had made residence will be open for a healthier new resident.  It will all feel much better to you.

"In the very depths of your soul, dig a grave; let it be as some forgotten spot to which no path leads; and there in the eternal silence bury the wrong which you have suffered. Your heart will feel as if a load had fallen from it, and a divine peace come to abide with you."      Author Unknown  (but thank you to the person who received that heavenly revelation)

Well, that is my thought for today. Have a nice day.  Jim

"Some often repent, yet never reform; they resemble a man traveling in a dangerous path, who frequently starts and stops, but never turns back."

Bonnell Thornton

Are you ever disappointed in yourself? Maybe you have,in some way, ACTED BENEATH YOURSELF?  I hate acting beneath myself. But, guess what? I have bad days...occasionally a bad week. I could blame it on someone else I guess....but I know better. And I TOTALLY HATE IT WHEN I HURT OTHERS. That is the worst!
OK...just being honest.

Honest? Wait! I can't afford to be honest!! Some people have a pretty good opinion of me!! If I am honest I might mess it up!! OK...I have a better idea...I can try to be TWO people!! I can be a "pretend self" which exists to hide something about me I do not really want anyone to know! The pretend self exists to conceal aspects of ourselves that we feel we want to protect or hide. It is like a "costume" you wear so you are in control of your external image.  At times we feel we must "keep hidden" something about ourselves we fear to let be known. Like what you ask?  Well, for example some people over-emphasize their physical self by trying to be super handsome or pretty in order to hide some level of inadequacy they feel underneath.  If others can "see" something external that is good...they won't dig deeper hopefully.
Or we may try to achieve awards or important positions...or be smarter than others..superior in some way. Well, hopefully you get the idea...we may be trying to use something EXTERNAL to cover up something that we feel we must conceal in ourselves.

Do not get me wrong....the EXTERNAL ACHIEVEMENTS that I just mentioned can all be very properly motivated and I am NOT saying anyone who has achieved something external that is outstanding is really "hiding something"...or secretly feels inadequate!!! Not at all.
But it is fairly common to see that some of us "hide out" in the way I just described...using the OUTSIDE to cover up what is inside. 
Inadequacy is a fascinating human condition.  I think we all feel it and some of us fear it. But as I have gotten older I have realized...it is 100% OK to feel inadequate.  I think everyone feels inadequate at times.  Don't you?  I grew up feeling very inadequate..and it even carried into my adult life.  I don't worry about it so much anymore...and I am much more comfortable with others knowing that I come up short on things that are important to me.  I wish I were better...often I feel I should be better.  But I am not. And it took me many years to be able to say..."to feel that way...even at my age...is OK."  When we are humble enough to acknowledge our fears and inadequacies...that is when we will be comfortable in our own skin.

But I think investing in our own improvement and growth is way better than hiding beneath something we have created in order to  fool everyone and keep them from knowing we have weaknesses and inadequacies..........I am pretty sure the group of people in the world who have the lowest blood pressure and are less stressed are those who are MEMBERS OF THE CLUB WHOSE MEMBERS ADMIT TO EACH OTHER THEY DO NOT HAVE EVERYTHING FIGURED OUT AND ARE A LITTLE FEARFUL OF HAVING OTHERS DISCOVER THAT FACT...........

I like this thought:  "Goodness is richer than greatness.  It consists not in the outward things we do, but in the inward things we are."   Edwin Hubbel Chapin

I think the "outward things we do" are more important than maybe Mr. Chapin thinks they are......BUT people pretty quickly forget our achievements or the "outward things we do or have done"...but the INWARD THINGS WE ARE....are always there..they do not go away..and for each of us are like the stars on a clear night......

Have a nice day. Oh, by the way..you can disagree with me on anything I write. I just like to offer something now and then that helps us all to think about our lives.  Jim

OK...here is one very very crucial question for all of us to answer:  Why is it when we are presented with an idea, a suggestion, an inspiration, someone else's great example etc...and something inside our head and heart says " I SHOULD DO THAT...I KNOW I SHOULD DO THAT..."  that we then do not do it.  WE DO NOT DO IT.  WHY?

That was a set-up...because I am going to share with you something that I am SURE will change your family in a very constructive, positive way IF YOU DO IT.  If you do not do it,  at least promise me that  you will ask yourself, a week or two from now...Why didn't I do that?  Deal?

COUNCIL
FAMILY COUNCIL.
DIRECTED BY THE MOM AND THE DAD (if there is only one parent in the home then that one parent can do this just the same.)
ALL THE KIDS PARTICIPATE BECAUSE THE MOM AND AND DAD ASK EACH ONE WHAT THEY THINK ABOUT THE TOPIC OF DISCUSSION.
COUNCIL
FAMILY COUNCIL
DIRECTED BY THE MOM AND DAD (if there is only one parent in the home then that one parent can do this just the same.)
ALL THE KIDS PARTICIPATE BECAUSE THE MOM AND DAD ASK EACH ONE WHAT THEY THINK ABOUT THE TOPIC OF DISCUSSION.
Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.
Why did I repeat that?

 Want to guess?  Yes, you are right. BECAUSE IT CAN TOTALLY TRANSFORM THE WELL BEING OF YOUR FAMILY---TAKE IT TO A WHOLE NEW LEVEL.

Why do I think it can help you "big time"...because the foundation upon which FAMILY COUNCILS IS BUILT IS THAT the parents become ACTIVE LEADERS IN THE FAMILY and the children become active participants in building and strengthening the family.  YOU ARE NOT JUST A BUNCH OF PEOPLE WHO HAPPEN TO BE LIVING UNDER THE SAME ROOF. 

YOU ARE A TEAM..A FAMILY TEAM WORKING TOGETHER TO BUILD AND STRENGTHEN YOUR FAMILY.

Up to you....give it a try? Have a nice day. Jim

" Sweet is the smile of home; the mutual look when hearts are of each other sure."

John Keble

I think the question for me, as I read the above quote, is "what does Jim MacArthur contribute or not contribute to such a beautiful atmosphere and spirit in my home?"

"Life gives to all the choice.  You can satisfy yourself with mediocrity if you wish.  You can be common, ordinary, dull, colorless, or you can channel your life so that it will be clean, vibrant, progressive, useful, colorful, rich."

Spencer W. Kimball
President, the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints

We study societies in the history of civilization trying to learn from them so that OUR TOMORROW is improved and fruitful.

I am not an expert on world history but I do find it fascinating and I love to read about it.

I have an opinion about societies that are healthy and endure..........imagine ME with an opinion!! :)

This may surprise you.......but if I could identify ONE SINGLE CHARACTERISTIC that I think is indicative of a truly healthy society (and thus one we would like to build and keep) it would be........................................................................ (do I hear a drum roll?)....................................................................................  MODESTY.

That surprise you?  I think MODESTY is a sign of "ego" that is held in proper bounds and it is a sign of a society that may lean toward being more selfless.  Anyway, MODESTY can be interpreted many ways but hopefully you catch the "spirit" of the word with its various applications in the society we live in today. Think about it.

Have a nice day. Jim

Think of the three people who have had the most positive impact on you in your life...write down WHY they influenced you so powerfully and see if the thee had anything in common. If so, maybe you should adopt some of their powerful characteristics.....

Now write down the three people who had the most negative impact in  your life...and do the same as above...what was it about them that influenced you so negatively?  Write it down...memorize it...STAY AWAY FROM THAT STUFF.

Teach whatever you learned above to your children or a close friend..what you have learned by doing this is WAY TOO VALUABLE  to keep to yourself..... have a nice day. Jim

Want to try out a pretty simple way to improve your personal life, or your marriage, or your family life  (or you can do two of them or all of them if you are brave!) ?

It is called (by me) the THREE WORD APPROACH TO BETTER DAYS AHEAD

What you do is choose THREE WORDS ( or very short phrases are OK) that describe areas where you want to see improvement in your personal life, marriage, or family life. Actually, you can apply this idea to any setting in  your life: work, school, friendships etc etc

Here is an example (I will do this example for a marriage relationship):

1.  DO MY PART UNCONDITIONALLY
2.  USE CALM VOICE
3.  COMPROMISE

 That is it. Just identify three words or short phrases and use them to guide your actions and decisions for thirty days.  If you are really serious about this then keep a little personal notebook just for this project and write in it each day keeping track of how you did that day on each of the three points of focus.

This makes personal change in your own life, or your marriage, or your family REAL and you can SEE change occurring over time as you have something very specific to focus on. Have a nice day. Jim

I heard several good talks in church today on fatherhood and the role and place of fathers in the family and in society.  Strong fathers DEFINITELY make a huge impact on the well being of individual families and society in general. Where fathers become less significant or lose sight of their important role....societies go downhill rapidly according to family research.

In the two talks I heard today (both given by women, mothers)............one of them quoted the First Presidency of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints in 1979 but I did not get down the entire quote.  But the first line was really powerful.....

" Fatherhood is leadership."  (so is motherhood, by the way!  But this talk was focused on fathers since it is Father's Day.)

I have always thought that was true.  Effective fathers cannot afford to be passive or inactive.  I could safely say from my own experience as a father and grandfather (and from having observed many others) that "fatherhood is also proactive".......

Effective fathers ANTICIPATE was is going to happen in their families over weeks and months that lie on the road ahead.  They COUNSEL with the rest of the family to determine a FAMILY ACTION PLAN that they will follow TOGETHER...so that the development and well being of their family happens according to something PRE-PLANNED and pre-considered in family council under the direction of both parents if there are two parents in the home.   

DO NOT LEAVE WHAT IS GOING TO HAPPEN IN YOUR FAMILY TO CHANCE........the parents and the children should hold regular "family councils" to talk about their family values (what is important to all of them in the family) and what steps they ALL need to take TOGETHER to insure that those family values produce observable positive outcomes in the family.

Hope this gives you some good ideas you can discuss together. Happy Father's Day to all the dads out there.......and to the many dads who have finished their work in this life..... Have a nice day. Jim

"The heart of a father is the masterpiece of nature."  

Antoine Francois Prevost
Manon Lescant

OK...so I have the coolest "here is what I learned from a dog" story........

I go walking every morning and I pass by many streets and houses that are the same as I follow a certain "route" during my walk...

EVERY morning, when I pass by a certain house with a chain link fence around it, the SAME LITTLE DOG comes flying off the porch of his house and tears along the fence as I walk by .......BARKING as if the world was coming to an end!  I usually compliment him for his tenacity and he snorts and huffs and puffs and then heads back to sit down on his porch after I continue down the street.

So, today I had an epiphany....I realized that little dog was teaching me an important lesson .. I imagined what he was thinking in DOG THOUGHTS....here is what I imagined......

I am protecting my turf and my family who is inside asleep.  This guy walks by every day and he MUST know by now that he is not going to set one foot on our family turf...because I AM HERE...I AM DOING MY SWORN DUTY TO PROTECT....I am ALWAYS here...YOU CAN COUNT ON ME TO DO MY DOGLY DUTY.  And I just did it once again...and I was victorious and faithful once again...I KNOW that because I am watching that SAME MAN go on down the street.....he is looking back and KNOWS I did my duty and I know he will NEVER set foot on MY property.  I am A TRUE DOG...TRUE TO MY DUTY TO PROTECT MY TURF AND MY FAMILY.  Ha, it is GREAT  to be a dog who knows who he is and knows what he is here to do....you humans might learn something from me if you pay attention,

That is what I learned from my little dog buddy who barks at me every morning as I walk by his turf...he is clearly saying to me....This is MY HOUSE...and I will defend it every day of of my life....huff, puff, snort, tail up in the air to signify conquest...having done his rightful duty....what a great little dog.

Such commitment and devotion......

Have a nice day. Jim

"The world is bad and getting worse. Soon it may be that the ONLY refuge will be found in three holy places, and three only: in the Lord's temples, in the stakes of Zion, and in our homes.  Those places are three pillars of he celestial kingdom. In each, the will of the Lord can be manifested to us.  May we go often to the temple and, in the going, strengthen our homes and make them a heaven and a haven on earth..."
Andrew C. Skinner,  TEMPLE WORSHIP 

So, if you have read any of my other posts you may have noticed that I often use the ten scale to help me (us) evaluate where I stand in important areas of my life.  If I give myself a 2 on patience then I am not doing very well in that area of my life. If I give myself an 8 on holding Family Home Evening then I am pretty consistent in doing that important thing.  
How am I doing on maintaining a spiritual atmosphere in MY HOME?  How am I doing on making time to go to the temple to strengthen myself and renew my perspective on how to guide my family?  Ten scale works great on getting some insight into those areas of my life.  Have a nice day. Jim

"IF WE WOULD SPEND AS MUCH TIME ON OUR SOUL AS ON OUR CAR, WE WOULD ALL FARE BETTER."

....... car, boat, golf game, appearance, income, fame, ranking in our bowling league, making our house "competitive" in the neighborhood..........and on and on....all examples of the same type of thing....

It is not that those things are irrelevant....they each have their own type of legitimate importance in our lives...BUT  compared to the condition of our soul, which goes with us at death, they are clearly much less important.. I think the statement above is just a matter of helping is see the "big picture" a little more accurately.  I do not know who said it.

Some years ago I stood at the deathbed of a friend....he knew he was dying. He was a very educated, highly accomplished person...famous...well known.  His final request was that his wife and children ALL come and be with him, standing around his bed...holding his hand... he wanted to look at them and thank them, he said.  He did not ask to see his many awards, trophies or any other of his very important recognitions.  He wanted to see and be with his family.  Does that mean his earthly accomplishments were unimportant to him or anyone else? No. It just means SOME THINGS ARE MUCH MORE IMPORTANT THAN OTHERS.
Have a nice day. Jim

One of the blessings of getting older is that you realize you have learned a few things over the years you have lived.  Sometimes you are sad because you wish you had learned them earlier but nevertheless, if you believe in eternity, then all learning is of value as your eternal journey continues.
But, here on earth at least we can use what we learn when we learn it. AND we can pass it on to others and to our own family members.  So if any of this makes sense to you and you feel like sharing it with others; please do.

As most of you know the Book of Mormon is an ancient history of a people who lived upon this the American continent from 600 BC to 400 AD...a thousand years.  But they NEVER HAD THE BOOK!  The book was written for us in our day.
With that in mind I am intrigued by what is going on in our time now and what I consider the be one of the key teachings of the Book of Mormon.

Here it is from President Ezra Taft Benson, former president of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints:

"...the Book of Mormon is the record of a fallen people.  Why did they fall?  This is one of the major messages of the Book of Mormon.  The ancient prophet Mormon gives the answer in the closing chapters of the book in these words... 'Behold the pride of this nation, or the people of the Nephites, hath proven their destruction' (Moroni 8:27)  And then lest we miss that momentous Book of Mormon message from that fallen people, the Lord warns us in the Doctrine and Covenants, 'Beware of pride, lest ye become as the Nephites of old.' (D&C 38:39)

The proud will not accept the authority of God giving direction to their lives.  
The proud make every man their adversary by pitting their intellects, opinions, works, wealth, talents, or any other worldly measuring device against others."  Ezra Taft Benson, 1 April 1989

CS Lewis wrote: "Pride gets not pleasure out of having something, only out of having more of it than the next man...It is the comparison that makes you proud; the pleasure of being above the rest.  One the element of competition has gone, pride has gone."  Mere Christianity, 1952

Returning to President Benson...."Pride is the universal sin, the great vice.  Yes, pride is the universal sin, the great vice.  The antidote for pride is humility (see Alma 7:23)

...We must yield to the enticings of the Holy Spirit"...put off the prideful "natural man", and become " a saint through the Atonement of Christ the Lord" and become " as a child, submissive, meek, humble (Mosiah 3:19, Alma 13:28)"

Pride separates us from God and from others around us....humility opens the doors to both.  Have a nice day. Jim

Read this....you will think you "get it"....then read it again and ponder a bit to see how your own bones are doing.........


"TO SUCCEED IN LIFE YOU NEED THREE THINGS:  A WISHBONE...A BACKBONE...AND A FUNNYBONE."

Reba McEntire 

For me, the suffering of people around us is something we cannot and must not ignore--even though it is a fundamental aspect of life on earth---as I have said before...if we do not let suffering and pain defeat us so we give up...then it can teach us and be our traveling companion offering us good advice from time to time.  But it is hard to go through, isn't it?
But don't let it defeat you---it is part of the reason why we are here.  We could not be presented with such deeply difficult decisions and challenges and such gut wrenching developmental suffering where we were before we were born.  We needed to be in a fallen and telestial world to gain such education.

Using a sports metaphor (even though I am not an athlete and never was..but most people understand sports metaphors).........we COULD sit in the kitchen, chatting with a friend, eating ice cream...all so pleasant, right?.......OR go to the weight room and then run wind sprints and see what we are made of as we are pushed and pushed and pushed....sometimes when you are "pushed" you find out a lot about yourself.

Recently, I was studying some about the life of Elie Wiesel.  He is an Israeli Nobel Laureate
who was imprisoned in Auschwitz Concentration Camp in the early 40's during WWII and then transferred with his father to Buchenwald.  Three weeks before the Allied Forces liberated Buchenwald Elie's father was taken and beaten and sent to the crematorium leaving the young boy alone in such awful circumstances. But. after the liberation of the camp, amazingly and miraculously Elie was reunited with his brothers and sisters in France.
My point is NOT to focus on his horrific experience but rather to focus on the wisdom, strength and vision of a person who went through such things in life's telestial school....

Elie Wiesel later wrote:  " I swore never to be silent whenever and wherever human beings endure suffering and humiliation.  We must always take sides.  Neutrality helps the oppressor, never the victim.  Silence encourages the tormentor, never the tormented."

" Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter." Martin Luther King, Jr

Many who suffer in loneliness and helplessness need to hear our voices calling to them and advocating for them.  Jim MacArthur   Have a nice day.  

This will be a unique post in that it is going to give you a short history of the life of Sharol Linden McUne MacArthur, my wife. More commonly known to those who know her as "Sherri".

Today is June 1,2014--and it is our 46th wedding anniversary.  Maybe there will be something in my view of her life history that will be of benefit to you and your family.

I hope she does not "hang" me for doing this as she is a very private person and does not like nor seek attention for herself--unlike her blabbermouth husband!

Sharol Linden McUne was born Dec. 28, 1942 in Richmond, Contra Costa, California to Haswell "Hal" Ross McUne and Linden Ida Knight.  Her nickname quickly became "Sherri" due to a dream her mother had prior to her birth. 

Her father worked in the shipyards of Richmond building ships during the war as WWII was in full swing when Sherri was born.  They were a family of very limited means  so when she was about 5 they moved to some ranch property in Burns, Oregon that was given to them by Hal's mother.  It was unimproved and there was no ranch house so they improvised and hooked up a tractor to an old wooden building with no windows in it and hauled it over onto a hill by some trees and cleaned it out so they could try to live in it.  Life was not easy.
They had horses, cattle, did farming and mom and dad worked in the local saw mill full-time.
Sherri had three siblings--Hap, Sheila and Steve.  Steve passed away while we were on our mission in Chile recently.

Sherri went to the Burns public schools.  Her father was not a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (he finally was baptized at age 60 and the family went to the temple to be sealed) and her mother did not drive so there was no way to get in to "town" (12 miles away) to the small branch of the Church there in Burns.  Finally an older senior couple serving as stake missionaries came out to the ranch and helped Sherri and Sheila get baptized at about age 10 and 8.  Sherri was 10.  She always loved attending Church and had natural faith in Christ.
Life was often pretty rough on the ranch with no running water and no electricity. No electricity until she was in high school and no running water until she had gone off to college at BYU.  She remembers pumping water at 35 below zero to feed the cows.
She and Sheila used to go up on the "rim" and play their flutes together--no neighbors to bother.
She was chosen to go to Girls State while in high school which was a great honor--it was a student leadership conference at the Capitol.
She was accepted to BYU in 1961 and attended there until she went on her mission to Chile 1964-67.  She served under the second and third presidents of the Chilean Mission.  There was only one mission in Chile at that time and no stakes.  The closest temple for Chilean members was located in Mesa, Arizona.
Upon her return home she went back to BYU to finish her degree in English and Spanish,  She met Jim MacArthur while at BYU. She graduated from BYU May 31, 1968 and married Jim in the Manti Temple June 1, the next morning!
Jim taught special education in the public schools in California after his graduation from BYU in 1969 so they lived in Vista, CA.  They arrived there to begin Jim's teaching career with just one son, Toran who was a year old.  Jim's income was $6900 per year...so the family joke has always been that she married him for his money and his car (he had a 1961 VW bug with one head light that worked).

Jim taught there three years during which time David and Paul were born and Jim and Sherri returned every summer to BYU so he could work on and finish his Masters Degree in School Psychology which he did in 1973.  As they were getting ready to return to teach again in Southern California BYU offered Jim a full time position and they decided to stay "for a few years" to have the unique experience of working for BYU.  Those "few years" ended up lasting 38 years until Jim retired as a Clinical Professor in 2010.
During his early years at BYU Jim earned his doctor's degree in Counseling Psychology and was a psychologist and clinical teaching professor in the Counseling Center.
So, what was Sherri up to during those years?  Toran was born, as I said, in 1969...David in 1970, Paul in 1971, Mike in 1973, Lindi and Lori (twins) in 1974, Don and Debbie (also twins) in 1976, Mark in 1978 and Sharolyn in 1981.  That is what Sherri "was up to" from 68 to 81.
She is a super intelligent woman and could have done anything academically in her university work.  Well, she did graduate from BYU, as I said, in English and Spanish...but she put aside plans for graduate work "until later" while she had her ten children and gave her entire attention to them. Due to complex family demands "later for more education" never came.  Just grandkids came!

She did try out for Mrs Universe in 1980 but she lost out in the muscle building section and never made it to the finals (that is a joke in case you do not know my struggling sense of humor)...
But she has always been our Mrs Universe.  With such an awesome posterity she will truly have her own "universe".
At one point she had 8 children with the oldest being just 7.  Then Mark was born and she had 9 under 9.  Sharolyn's birth brought us to ten under twelve.  Keeping up with everything was nearly impossible.  She claims she only did it due to the flawless and amazing help of her husband, Sparky.  Actually, she never said that!
When the two sets of twins were born in 74 and 76 (in a span of 23 months) the bishop had to send several Laurels over every Sunday morning to help us get all the babies ready for church as the oldest ones were still so little they could not help too much.  That was Bishop Bob Parsons; a great bishop.

Here is a great closing story about when we had 9 children and due to health problems Sherri had experienced we felt we should stop at 9.  One day, our oldest, Toran, age 11, came to Sherri and said "Mom, don't you think we could have just one more baby?"  Sherri explained we already had our hands full and we had to consider if we could afford another one and how we take care of another baby etc.  Then Toran uttered his immortal words that ring through the halls of our family history... "But, mom, I am sure we would ALL be willing to eat less so we could have one more baby."  Pretty good for an 11 year old boy.
We did have Sharolyn after that..and we are glad we did as she is such an awesome person...as are all of "Sherri's kids".....who are now all grown up ranging now in age from 32 to 45 with forty grandkids.
That is Sherri's story, actually in abbreviated form...there is much more....the night she sat up all night at LDS Hospital in Salt Lake City with Kim Johnson, an 18 year old neighbor of ours who had been involved in a terrible car accident coming home from Dixie College to take care of her brother Dustin.  Sherri sat up all night at the hospital with Kim, holding her hand while she was dying...so Kim would have "a mom" with her until Nancy, her real mom, could get there the next morning on a flight from California where she and her husband, Ralph were on a trip for BYU.  Sherri did not want Kim to be alone while she was dying so she sat right by her all night to give her what comfort she could until Nancy got there.
And the night Sherri rocked our grandson Parker all night long so his mom could get some much needed sleep for a few hours...until Sherri called Lindi in the very early hours of the morning as she could sense Parker's time was short. Lindi came out and took her son in her arms and held him and rocked him, as Sherri had done...until he passed away in his mother's arms just before noon almost 9 years ago now.

So, Sherri is just a woman who quietly "gets the job done" and sets a beautiful example for her children and grandchildren.  She is not perfect, and as I said, is a very private person...but she is one her family can ALWAYS count on to show them a Christlike example.  I love her and wish I could be more like her.

Why did I write all this, rambling as I am?  Today, June 1, 2014 is our 46th wedding anniversary.  So I thought maybe you would like to share in a little history on a wonderful person who is known by her family, her neighbors, church members we have known for many years, our BYU friends, and now our awesome missionary family...hundreds of missionaries from 20 different countries we were privileged to work with in Chile from 2010 to 2013.  Your mission mother sends her love to each one of you and wishes you were here to share a hug.  Have a nice day.  Jim

I hit 10,000 page reviews today...having put up 98 posts. Is there any way to send out my blog to more people?  Recommendations to sparky7264@gmail.com

When we think of the true and most obvious needs of our communities and the world today I see one thing that can make a huge difference if we would just do it.  Sometimes I think we are just unsure about HOW to do it--and that is to strengthen our families. A "family" can be defined as mother, father, and children...or mother and children, or father and children, or a senior couple whose children are gone from home...or it can be one person...or friends who get together to strengthen one another...Here is one very interesting recommendation for strengthening families from the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints----it is called FAMILY HOME EVENING.

What is it?  In 1915 the First Presidency of the Church announced that the members of the Church would be encouraged to meet together in families once a week (the day was formalized to Monday in 1970) to be together, enjoy each other, and  teach and learn the principles of the Gospel of Christ together.  So "the Mormons" (as they are nicknamed)  have been doing that since then.

Being a retired  psychologist I think that decision by the Church in 1915 (way ahead of the times--"worries" about families did not become a serious concern until many years later) was brilliant.  IF FAMILIES WILL GET TOGETHER ONCE A WEEK ON MONDAY EVENING (or choose another evening if for some reason Monday does not work for you)...to talk together, hold family councils to solve problems together, learn about things of common interest together, learn the Gospel together...and have fun together (throwing in some treats might help!) then I think ANY family can strengthen itself.
This means we are not waiting for the schools or the community or some other external source to strengthen our children and our families for us (even though we appreciate all the help we can get!)--WE are willing to do it. And when parents show their children the family matters to them by having FAMILY HOME EVENING---that sends a strong message to the children that hopefully they will follow when they are parents in the future.

FAMILY HOME EVENING--get together, play, have fun, learn, encourage, solve problems together, strengthen the family..make the family NUMBER ONE in your overall value system.

A very good idea. Try it.  Have a nice day. Jim MacArthur

I was watching the news on TV the other night and saw one story after another about murder, accidents, robberies and many other troublesome aspects of our lives.
I know why they are there---we want to see them.  Maybe it makes us feel better to NOT be featured in such news events...we feel more OK by watching them and privately saying "I am glad I am not there.."  Just a guess...not sure.

But today I want to talk about GOODNESS.  Why do we not see a series of news stories about acts of goodness that occur in our communities?  Would they not inspire us to be better and be the authors of more goodness?
Maybe we are just interested in COMFORT rather than in GOODNESS?

I read this quote in a book the other day (in A Dictionary of Thought by Runes)..........

"Goodness is held in such low regard that it takes  courage to profess it."

Do you think that is true based upon your experience?

Have a nice day. Jim MacArthur

FRIENDS........where would we be without friends.  Especially friends who remain with us through our hardest times...usually they can do that because they are firmly grounded in their own dearly held beliefs and values.  But when you fall...and find yourself alone........filled with a horrendous fear that no one will come to lift and carry you until you can walk again.....suddenly she appears and takes your hand and lifts...and you stand.

Friends just seem to show up at the most important times...the one thing that "shows loneliness the door" is a friend.

So here is a quote that I found the other day about friends...all of us need more friends.

"YOUR FRIEND IS ONE WHO SEES YOU AS YOU WOULD LOVE TO SEE YOURSELF."

I do not know who said it but I like it.

When your friend compliments you, admires you, notices some virtue you have....and you start to deny it or ignore it...DON'T.  Don't make what your friend is saying be totally true....even if it is half true...just let it warm you a bit and you will feel a lift in your step and you will be able to go on a distance.  Thank you, friend.

Have a nice day. Jim MacArthur

"Passion is given both to prophets and to sinners."

I thought about that and came to the conclusion that WHY we use strong emotions is the determining factor in whether they produce good or produce very little of real value.  For example, do I use passion to please myself or do I use it to promote a cause or a good idea that will bless my friends, family, church, company, social club...."?

Is it for ME or for more than just me?  Me is one. More than me is a number bigger than one...could be 7 or 15 or 600 or thousands.

So you can sit in front of the TV and eat popcorn and veg....(sometimes that is a good break so I am not entirely against it) BUT also you could turn off the TV, throw the popcorn out the back door to the birds...(they will be SUPER HAPPY)...and go to your computer and write a message about something you learned that might be of benefit to others..and send it.  Not an ego thing...it is a service thing.  It is not about YOU...it is about THEM.

Turn off your TV and think of someone you know who is sick or lonely.  Just call and chat for ten minutes...I think you will change their day...maybe their week...maybe their life. 
Buy a good book for kids at Deseret Industries or the Dollar Store or at a garage sale....or take it off your bookshelf in your house where it is covered with dust...and go find someone with a child who probably will not get a book to read for a long, long time...and give it to her.

Be PASSIONATE about helping someone in some simple way.  Passion is given to regular people filled with compassionate desire to bless others.    Jim MacArthur   Have a nice day.

"MISERY CAN LIVE WITHOUT COMPANY BUT JOY CANNOT."


"PATIENCE is out of place in quicksand."

One of my own thoughts from years ago... 
"To some degree we are all TWO people:  Our IDEAL self and our ACTUAL/CURRENT self"....the fascinating self evaluation is to determine whether we are moving toward our ideal self."  Jim MacArthur   Have a nice day.  I am back. 

(DRUM ROLL...........)  ANNOUNCING A ONE WEEK VACATION!  Sherri and I are going to northern California to visit my brother Mike...who we have not seen in four years due to our mission in Chile.  So, when I get back I will  put in another post.....HAVE A NICE WEEK.   Jimbomac

A couple of thoughts on faith...........

"Faith fundamentally is given only to those who take the road of reason to the bitter end."

"Faith has its weaknesses, but faithlessness is the poorest substitute."

Have a nice day. Jim

CIRCLES...................

You can think of your life as being a circle.  It is YOUR personal life circle.  You are in charge of what happens within the circle.  Inside THE circle you will find all the people you care about most...friends, family, co-workers etc.  Here is the question that impacted my life in a very major way....WHAT DO I WANT THESE VERY IMPORTANT PEOPLE IN MY LIFE TO EXPERIENCE BY BEING WITHIN MY CIRCLE?

I decided I want to help them experience two things:  personal value and worth and also a feeling of being loved and cared about.

So it is a very interesting experience to actually draw a circle on a piece of paper (big enough to contain the names of the most important people in your life).....and to then WRITE the names of those very important persons.

Next to each name you will use my famous ten scale and determine how much personal worth/value and then how much love each of those people experiences in their relationship with you.  If the numbers are too low in some cases then your next step is obvious...WHAT DO I DO TO BOOST THAT NUMBER HIGHER?

Want to see an example?  Well, I am not competent enough on computer graphics to draw a big circle here but you can imagine one....then WITHIN that circle I write the names of each of my family, close friends, and others.....

Each person will have TWO numbers after his or her name...one for personal value and worth and one for how loved they feel...

Here are the names of two of my grandchildren:  Claire and Cooper.  For Claire I would put  7 and 8.  For Cooper I would put 6 and 7.

Not bad but good enough?  Am I satisfied with my relationship with Claire and Cooper as I think about those two "inside the circle" characteristics that I want everyone in my circle to experience at 10 on a 10 scale? Admittedly that is very ideal...but you get the idea..I want the numbers to be higher and not lower. Putting those I care about INSIDE MY PERSONAL CIRCLE and trying to offer them a sense of worth and value and a sense of being loved...has helped me to focus and work at the important relationships of my life.  It does not guarantee things will improve as relationships are complex...but it DOES give you a way to try to make a difference as much as you can.


Try it...see where you stand with the important people in your life.  Realize you CAN make a difference in very important ways.

You can also customize a circle for your Primary class....a class you might teach in the public schools, a group you work in your employment, your brothers and sisters.....a team you are on etc.  Any group of people you have  a relationship can GO WITHIN A CIRCLE and you can ask yourself the two important questions listed above for each person within the circle:  how do I help those people feel worth and value and how do I help them feel loved?

So, if you can master that idea and use it regularly...you can make a real difference in this world with many people in many different relationships you might have with them.  Try it...you will like it.  Have a nice day. Jim

I honestly believe the key to strengthening the future of our country lies in focusing on and strenthening our families.  We MUST have devoted fathers and exemplary mothers. Obviously, every woman has the privilege of pursuing any personal and/or career dream she has...as does any man but take it from a boy who grew up in a very troubled family and is still paying for it 69 years later....and from a psychologist who has treated disturbed and struggling teenagers and young adults who have said over and over "I am proud of my parents accomplishments--but I would have preferred to have them at the table after school to eat cookies with me, watch me player soccer, and snuggle up and read a good book with me."
Kids want parents--not CEO's who secondarily are parents.  Please do not misunderstand me---I am not discrediting accomplished parents. Many have achieved much and have been awesome parents at home. The world is a better place because of their accomplishments.... BUT I HAVE SPENT FORTY YEARS IN THE TRENCHES WITH MOMS AND DADS AND KIDS STRUGGLING TO MAINTAIN GOOD MENTAL HEALTH, SELF ESTEEM, AND WHO WANT TO BE EMBRACED BY THE LOVE OF PARENTS WHO PUT THEM NUMBER ONE.  THEY PLEAD FOR IT OVER AND OVER...BEHIND CLOSED DOORS IN THE PSYCHOLOGIST'S OFFICE...WHERE I WORKED FOR NEARLY 40 YEARS.  I AM NOT GUESSING. I AM SURE.  FAMILIES MUST BE FIRST.

"Children do not know how their parents love them, and they never will till the grave closes over those parents, or till they have children of their own."  Edmund Vance Cook

"The mother in her office holds the key of the soul; and she it is who stamps the coin of character."  Author unknown

"The happiest moments of my life have been the few which I have passed at home in the bosom of my family."  Thomas Jefferson

"To be happy at home is the ultimate result of all ambition."  Samuel Johnson

"A man travels the world over in search of what he needs, and returns home to find it."  George Moore

Have a nice day. Jim

Who do you think said this?

"WHEN I DO GOOD I FEEL GOOD.  WHEN I DON'T DO GOOD I DON'T FEEL GOOD."

a) John F Kennedy
b) Abraham Lincoln
c) Helen Keller
d) Julius Caesar

 scroll down to see answer....

















answer is b)  Abraham Lincoln

One of the continuing HOT TOPICS of today....one that has been talked about for as long as I can remember is CHANGE--PERSONAL CHANGE.

Most of us want to change something about ourselves.  That is why I like the ten scale.  I can take ANYTHING I potentially want to change in myself and then take the all important step one which is to assess WHERE I AM NOW.

Example, suppose I want to be physically healthier......step one is to rate myself on a ten scale to determine how healthy I think I am now (today).  Suppose I rate myself a 5.  That means that if 10 is ideal and 0 is very poor--5 means what?  I am average (in my own opinion). If you really want to pin down the accuracy of your own assessment then ask a couple of good friends or family members what number they would give you-and tell them TO BE HONEST.  Anything less than an complete honesty assessment won't help much.

What if I think maybe I am depressed and I want to feel better mentally?  Step one is?  Assess yourself on the ten scale.  I have struggled with depression and anxiety my whole life so I am regularly interested in how I am doing now and what I can do to improve my situation. Why should I care?  Because my depression affects ME, MY FAMILY, MY GRANDCHILDREN, MY CHURCH SERVICE, MY RELATIONSHIPS, MY JOB (well, I retired not long ago so my "job" now is just to bug Sherri every day!! :)
OK, so if I ask myself what rating I would give myself on my depression as of May, 2014 I would say about 5.  That is not real bad but the crucial question is "does that level of depression affect me, my family, others things I want to do?"  If it does then I need to do some more work.

So, if you have been following my blog for any length of time you know I am BIG on SELF-ASSESSMENT.  Because if you do not know where you are on a certain characteristic (like depression) then how do you know if you need to take some steps to move to a better place?

So here is my THOUGHT FOR THE DAY.  It can transform your life if you do it........

IF YOU WANT TO CHANGE SOME ASPECT OF YOUR LIFE...THEN YOU MUST DO SOMETHING DIFFERENT THAN YOU ARE DOING NOW.

And if you REALLY want to take that and run with it......then do two more things:  tell someone else what you are going to do and record your progress each day in written form.  If you don' t do that then you have no evidence of change.

Ok--one more time folks.  This sentence can change your life but only if you do it, tell someone, and track your progress in written form.  Don't quit easily.  You are doing it for yourself, your family, your career, important people in your life.

IF YOU WANT TO CHANGE SOME ASPECT OF YOUR LIFE TO ANY DEGREE...THEN YOU MUST DO SOMETHING DIFFERENT THAN YOU ARE DOING NOW.

Let me know how it goes (sparky7264@gmail.com)..have a nice day.  Jim

"Each day we are made increasingly aware of the fact that life is more than science and mathematics, more than history and literature.  There is a need for another education, without which the substance of our secular learning may lead only to our destruction.  I refer to the education of the heart, of the conscience, of the character, of the spirit----these indefinable aspects of our personalities which determine so certainly what we are and what we do in our relationships one with another."

 President Gordon B Hinckley, General Conference, October 1964

THE EDUCATION OF THE HEART by Russell T. Osguthorpe....a good friend of mine...is a must read as it addresses a truly crucial aspect of the education of our youth and family members....the education of the heart.
Have a nice day.  Jim

"Julia Ward Howe was talking to a distinguished senator.  She asked him to interest himself in the case of a person who needed help.  The senator answered, ' Julia, I have become so busy, I can no longer concern myself with individuals.'  She replied, 'That's remarkable. Even God hasn't reached that stage yet.' 

Ralph W. Sockman

"A child learns more by imitation than in any other way.  Don't we all?  And the persons he imitates most blindly and trustingly are bound to be his parents...Nature has made the relationship between parent and child such that beside it any other training bears a certain artificiality."
GEORGE SANDERLIN

That puts parents in their proper role..bearing their proper responsibility...I would just change one thing in the quote above........ "Nature has made..."   Personally I would say " God has made...:

Have a nice day. Jim

"When things go wrong, as they sometimes will,
When the road you're trudging seems all uphill,
When the funds are low and the debts are high,
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh,
When care is pressing you down a bit,
Rest if you must, but DON'T YOU QUIT.

Success is failure turned inside out---
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt,
And you never can tell how close you are,
It may be near when it seems afar,
So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit---
It's when things seem worse that you mustn't quit"
Author of poem unknown (but found in the book WHO AM I? Asks the Alcoholic
Ivan Lackey, author of book 

PERSIST.  PERSIST.  PERSIST.  PLEASE PERSIST.  If you do---you will see new horizons and new pathways...and MANY people around you WILL LEARN FROM WATCHING YOU PERSIST.  PERSISTENCE MAKES YOU INTO A TEACHER....

Have a nice day. Jim

Truth is a sadly misunderstood word in the culture of the modern era.  We insist that everything be tentative, temporary, and a matter of legitimate "opinion"........OPINION REIGNS SUPREME.

Opinion is a great thing and inspires us to debate appropriate issues and create well thought out arguments based in good research and well founded thinking.  That is why we read, study, share ideas and go to universities...That is why we chat, argue, challenge and rethink our ideas after listening to each other's opinions.....all good for the development of our ideas and theories........BUT............

Some QUESTIONS are NOT for men and women to answer based upon their opinions no matter how well thought out they are. What questions might those be?  ETERNAL QUESTIONS.  They lie squarely within GOD'S DOMAIN and not ours.  Example?  Who is God and what is He like?  Why did He create this earth for us?  What does He want us to do here? Is there an Eternal Plan for us?  What constitutes that Plan?  What is our true relationship to Him?
Those questions are not ours to answer.  They are His. How does He communicate the answers to those questions to us so that we have them with certainty?  If you read through the Holy Scriptures you will see they were REVELATIONS given by way of individuals selected by God to AUTHORITATIVELY SPEAK FOR HIM...so we would have his will by which we could pattern our lives.  We should have the answers to those questions above FROM HIM....not anyone else.
It is NOT our privileged to GUESS at the answers to such essential questions.  DO NOT GUESS AT THE ANSWERS TO QUESTIONS THAT ARE HIS TO ANSWER AND LIKEWISE ARE OF ETERNAL CONSEQUENCE. Guessing at the answers to such questions is a bad idea. Let us leave to God HIS questions and answers as we are still left with boatloads of others we can "opionate" on...

And you may want to know that God not only revealed His will to His children on the earth in ancient times...but He continues to do so today.  The word Truth (capital T) means is comes from God directly.  And the word truth (small t) is an opinion which we are entitled to have regarding questions that are NOT of eternal consequence and thus their answers do not have to come from God. On such questions He wants us to wrestle, struggle and share ideas to see what we can learn. For example "how should we discipline children"....or "what is the best color?"  or who is the most influential author of the 20th century in the United States?"  All fascinating questions and each person's opinion is of value and we fan learn from all such opinions.
But "Who is God and what does He want us to do?" is HIS question and the True answer comes only from Him.

"And when ye shall receive these things, I would exhort you that ye would ask God, the Eternal Father, in the name of Christ, if these things are not true; and if ye shall ask with a sincere heart, with real intent, having faith in Christ, he will manifest the truth of it unto you by the power of the Holy Ghost.
And by the power of the Holy Ghost ye may know the truth of all things."  Moroni 10:4-5
Fascinating, right?  Have a nice day. Jim