ANGER ALMOST ALWAYS MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE TO FOCUS ON THE REAL ISSUES AND REAL SOLUTIONS IN A RELATIONSHIP THAT NEEDS HELP.

Anger is: self-protective, manipulative, damaging, humiliating, embarrassing, foolish if you want to have a good outcome.

The long term problem with ANGER is that eventually it attacks THE PERSON  rather than the problem at hand.  It ends up saying I DON'T LIKE YOU...rather than I AM UNHAPPY WITH THIS SITUATION.  Working on the relationship or the problem between two people is nearly impossible when anger frequently becomes part of the situation.

Anger often means you really do not have anything substantial to say--so you "run over" the other person with anger. ANGER IS A WEAPON.  BE VERY CAREFUL WITH HOW RAMPED UP IT GETS.

Anger also means you do not have a "good case"...if you have a good case you can reason with the other person because you have helpful and credible ideas and feelings to present.  But lacking that--we whip out the anger and attack using it as a weapon.

TRY THIS INSTEAD:  if you have a tense relationship with the other person---take turns expressing whatever you want to say (you can even use a time limit such as each person gets 5 minutes to start with).  After one person expresses what he/she wants to say in 5 minutes then the other person takes two minutes to try to summarize the essential message of person one.  So your goal is to listen while the other person takes his/her five minutes.  Then you switch roles and the other person takes five minutes and the listener summarizes in two minutes.

What does this accomplish?  It allows each person to state "their case" and to be "heard" without interruption. It reduces arguing since both get an equal turn and they know they will be heard without interruption.

After that you ask each other questions and answer them without interruption.  The DEAL is that you agree to keep anger under control as much as possible so YOU CAN CONCENTRATE ON THE MESSAGES YOU WANT TO COMMUNICATE. If you let anger back in then it becomes  "emotional hand to hand combat" and self-protection is the main outcome.  Self protection is not the ideal aim of what you are doing.....CLEAR COMMUNICATION  is the objective.  YOU TRY TO  UNDERSTAND THE OTHER PERSON'S THOUGHTS AND FEELINGS WHETHER YOU AGREE WITH THEM OR NOT.

Try to be DIRECT, HONEST, AND CLEAR in your communication...but leave out the heavy emotion (some emotion is OK but heavy emotion usually clouds the issue) as much as you can...because you will both understand each other better if you do.

Your goal in problem solving and good communication is MUTUAL UNDERSTANDING RATHER THAN WINNING OR BEING VICTORIOUS OVER THE OTHER PERSON.