I have a few followers of my blog so I do not want you to return to it day after day looking for an additional blog...I have made (including this one) 130 posts..a few people have found them interesting but I have concluded that the interest is not sufficient to warrant continuing so this will be my last post.  I only say that so you will not be looking for others. If you have found any of the posts interesting I suggest you reread some of the old ones as there are 130 of them.  Each one follows a different idea or theme.
I wondered what I should dedicate my final post to--something that is REALLY important to me.

So, I concluded that I would like to write a message on mothers and fathers.

Why is that my choice?  I did not have any relationship with my own father who died when I was 16 years old.  My relationship with my mother was also complicated due to mental health problems in our family. I am happy to say that she and I finally had a loving relationship in the finals years of her life.  I do look forward to seeing  both of them again someday when I pass from this mortal life...it will be great to see them and renew my relationship with them under different circumstances.


I DO NOT THINK THERE IS ANYTHING THAT I FEEL MORE STRONGLY ABOUT THAN..... THAT OVER TIME MANY PARENTS WILL REGRET THAT THEY DEDICATED MUCH MORE TIME TO THINGS THAT MATTER LESS THAN THEY DID TO THEIR FAMILY AND THEIR CHILDREN WHICH THEY HAVE COME TO REALIZE MATTER MOST.  HOME IS WHERE THE MOST IMPORTANT THINGS HAPPEN.

For me, my own fatherhood and grandfatherhood have been a complex journey.  It is hard to do that which you have never witnessed before. I never saw fatherhood, motherhood, or grandparenthood in my own family.  So when I became a father and grandfather I found myself trying to notice and study how others did it.  But often I was lost in my own weaknesses and personal struggles and I did not rise to the challenge.  I did have some good days, however.  At times I was afraid to try because I did not know what to do. Now I am the father of ten and the grandfather of forty....and I can only observe the fruits of my efforts as a father...sometimes wistfully...sometimes happily.

So, what is my point in all of this?  I do believe, after 45 years of being a father and 40 years as a psychologist and marriage counselor that there is NO CAREER INVESTMENT, NO INVESTMENT IN GETTING BETTER AT GOLF, NO INVESTMENT IN EARNING MORE MONEY, NO INVESTMENT IN OUR OWN RECREATIONAL ACTIVITIES...NO INVESTMENT IN ANY OTHER THNG...THAT WILL EVER MATCH WHATEVER INVESTMENT WE MAKE IN OUR OWN FAMILY AND THE WELL-BEING OF EACH MEMBER OF OUR FAMILY.  SPEAKING FOR MYSELF...I WOULD SAY THAT NOTHING ELSE MATTERS MUCH COMPARED WITH WHAT I MAKE OF MYSELF AS A FATHER.

MOTHERS?  Wow, I just sit back and watch and marvel..and honor each one.  Every time they give birth they literally put their lives on the line for their child and their family.  It is a sacrifice no man will ever fully understand.  I remember when President Ezra Taft Benson, in the 80-s, made a heartfelt petition to mothers to return to the home rather than be in the workplace.  He understood very well that there are many mothers who MUST be in the workplace.  He well understood the marvelous contribution of women in the work of the world.  He was not relegating them to a "role of lesser value in the home"..........He saw the home as the place of greatest value in preparing the next generation...and he knew the mothers had to be there as their gifts were essential in the development of a healthy family.  His request for as many as possible to be home was a compliment of the highest order.
He felt that the day would come when we would all wish we could have been tutored and taught by our mothers.....that home would be a school where mothers taught their children how to be good people, how to be parents, and how to serve others.  Mothers have a special and unique gift in teaching such things as they have a sense of Christlike love and sensitivity that is a great blessing for their families.  But they have to be there to offer that gift. So, I guess we wish "mom" could be everywhere at the same time.  They have the touch of gold.
I greatly admire the wonderful mothers of this world who are charged with providing for their families as well as teaching their families. Their sacrifices are difficult to describe...but we all feel their sacrifices.

WELL, I DO BELIEVE THE ONE THING THAT WILL CHANGE THE WORLD IS WHEN MOTHERS AND FATHERS MAKE BEING MOTHER AND FATHER THE NUMBER ONE VALUE OF THEIR LIVES.  THAT WILL CHANGE THE WORLD MORE THAN ANY OTHER THING.  Have a nice day. Jim

Take a few minutes and consider how this one applies to you and how you live your life currently...................

"Maintaining order rather than correcting disorder is the ultimate principle of wisdom.  To cure disease after is has appeared is like digging a well when one feels thirsty, or forging weapons after the war has already begun."

Huangdi Neijing, 2nd Century BC

DUTY

We live in a day when counting on someone to do their duty is a flip of the coin.  We cannot count on them as we used to.

  A person's word used to be the same as their "word of honor".....

You may have heard the well known account of Karl G Maeser, first president of Brigham Young University (Brigham Young Academy initially)...when he was asked to define "word of honor"....he said "I have been asked what I mean by 'word of honor.'  I will tell you.  Place me behind prison walls--walls of stone ever so high, ever so thick, reaching so far into the ground---there is a possibility that in some way or another I might be able to escape; but stand me on the floor and draw a chalk line around me and have me give my word of honor never to cross it.  Can I get out of that circle?  NO, NEVER! I'd die first."
 

President Gordon B Hinckley, former president of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints said in a talk on TRUST and ACCOUNTABILITY.... I think of Lord Nelson on the morning of the Battle of Trafalgar when he said: "England expects every man will do his duty."  After that fierce and bloody contest, as he stood on the deck of his ship to extend humanity to his enemy, a ball was fired within fifteen yards of where he stood.

He fell to the deck, his spine shattered.  He expired three and a quarter hours later, his last articulated words being, "Thank God, I have done my duty." (21 October 1805, from Robert Southey, Life of Nelson, ch. 9)

A tall shaft and statue stand in his honor in Trafalgar Square in London. 

Maybe we can re-create, by our own decisions and choices, a day and time when our word of honor again means something that is crystal clear and absolute in its meaning and intent.

Have a nice day. Jim

"Kind words can warm for three winters while harsh words can chill in the heat of the sun..."

I do not know the author

A recommendation for parents who still have children in the home:

As a married couple (parents)  one of the greatest things you can do to contribute to the future well being of your family and children is this:  SIT DOWN TOGETHER AS PARENTS AND IDENTIFY A SPECIFIC GOAL FOR EACH OF YOUR CHILDREN AND THEN CREATE A PLAN THAT WILL HELP YOU ACHIEVE THAT GOAL WITH EACH OF THE CHILDREN IN ORDER TO PROMOTE THE INDIVIDUAL GROWTH AND PROGRESS OF EACH ONE.

Do that regularly.  Work on the plan to reach the goal for a period of time...attempting to help each child progress. Compliment them on their progress.  After a period of time...change to a new goal with each child and, in the long run, you will see wonderful growth and progress in each person in your family.  Work as a family TEAM.


Have a nice day. Jim

 I read the coolest article in BYU Studies today about a man who was reminiscing over his past and mostly his childhood and youth.  Very touching and thought provoking.

BUT I LEARNED SOMETHING THAT I WOULD LIKE TO PASS ON TO THE REST OF YOU!!  It was not directly in the article but the contents of the article caused me to consider what I will say next.

Out of the 124 posts I have written for my blog SPARKY'S LEARNING KORNER  I have spoken a few times about my own childhood and youth. For me to write about such things is a complex matter since I do not want to live in the past but, at the same time, I continually try to learn from my past.  I also have tried to share my own lessons of the past with my ten children.  That is also a complex issue since my past is mostly "not fun" (a term we use so commonly today to describe the "good stuff in life...the good stuff is "fun")...but my past holds within it some VERY VALUABLE LESSONS for all of us in this family.

Well, the lesson that hit me today about my generation and the generations that follow me is this:  Even though we should not live in the past or let the past hold us hostage....we should SELECTIVELY share those lessons with THE NEXT GENERATION.  We are trying to improve each generation, right?  How can I help improve my children's generation if I do not "let them in on" the lessons learned during MY generation?

Continuing that theme--likewise MY children should share the lessons of THEIR generation (which include what they learned from me) with the next generation (that of their children, or my grandchildren)...and so on.  The LEARNING OF EACH GENERATION SHOULD BE CONSCIOUSLY AND INTENTIONALLY SHARED WITH SUCCEEDING GENERATIONS.

How do we do that?  I am not sure.  Journals?  Blogs?  Interviews?  My wife writes down the "top ten lessons" she learned during her childhood and youth and sends them to our ten children?  And they can then pass those on to their children?  Plus, our children can then do the same---write down the top ten lessons they learned during their childhood and youth--and give those to their children.  They could provide their children with a copy of what I wrote and what Sherri wrote in answering that top ten lessons question.

Well, I think you get the idea.  SOMEHOW WE SHOULD FIND A WAY TO SHARE THE LESSONS OF EACH GENERATION WITH THE NEXT GENERATION...AND POSSIBLY SUCCEEDING GENERATIONS.

I have an original handwritten letter written by my great grandmother, Jane MacLean in 1864!  She wrote it to her family several months after her marriage to my great grandfather James MacArthur in Lobo Township, London, Ontario, Canada. It is fascinating to read her description of marriage, her new husband...life in very rural Lobo Township etc.  By reading the words of my great grandmother...she TAUGHT ME  well over a hundred years after she penned the actual words of the letter.

I have kept a personal journal since 1976. I wish I had done it longer. I have over 2000 pages of handwritten journal entries that may be of interest and value to my posterity some day.
But I still think that if I were to take time to write about the TOP TEN LESSONS I LEARNED DURING MY CHILDHOOD AND YOUTH....and sent that to my adult children...that maybe I would forge a LINK between my generation and theirs based in passing on KEY LESSONS that will help IMPROVE the generations that succeed me.

Well, just a thought. Have a nice day. Jim

There are moments in life that bring everything to a clear reality....we live each day AS IF we know who we are really and what we are doing on earth.  Is being here a cruel joke?  An accident of fate?  Where did we come from?  Why are we here?  Does anything we do even matter?  Why and how does it matter if it does? Is there a Divine Being who has some relationship with us? Does he want us to do certain things here or is it just up to us?  Are we here to enjoy ourselves? To learn? Grow? Develop? Is there a purpose to all this?  When we die where do we go? Is there any relationship between what happens here and what happens next? How do we find out if we do not know for sure?  Is it enough to "believe in God" and hope for the best?  Is there a God?  What is He like?  Are we content with guessing at the answers to these important questions or is there a certain/sure way to answer them?

Well, 9 years ago today at noon...my wife Sherri and I, along with Rodger and Patti Shumaker (the other grandparents) and our good friend Jim Petersen....sat in the living room of our daughter Lindi and her husband Rodger's condominium and watched our grandson Parker Rodger Shumaker pass away.  He was just 20 months old.  Lindi and Rodger held Parker in their arms as his breathing slowed down and stopped.  Our beautiful, wonderful little Parker was gone from us.  Lindi and Rodger quietly left the room with Parker in their arms and took him to their bedroom and read his favorite story book to him one last time.
A few days later we had his funeral. 
Moments like these are sobering in that they cause you to dig deep and do a doublecheck on what you believe about relationships with those you love after life is over......at moments like that you realize you do not want to GUESS.  You do not want to live by the word MAYBE....or POSSIBLY...I will see my grandson, daughter, dad, uncle, grandmother, good friend etc again...No...for me it would have been the worst moment of my life if I had been guessing or only hoping.

I know where Parker is...I know what he is doing.  I know I will see him again and that he will be my grandson and I will be his grandfather. I know families can be eternal.  I understand how what I do on this earth relates to what I will do after this life. I know what the possibilities are.  I know what is required of me..and of you...for us to live with those we love eternally.
For me, there is no guessing.  On the day we said a temporary good-bye to Parker...I was deeply grateful for the fact that I can answer all those questions I proposed in the first paragraph of this post.  There is an eternal peace and surety that is in my heart.  Have a nice day.  Jim 

Well, the last post on improving our health was a "bust"..no one interested in that subject! :) I will remember that for the future!


"THE ART OF BEING WISE IS THE ART OF KNOWING WHAT TO OVERLOOK"

William James

" IMPORTANT PRINCIPLES MAY AND MUST BE INFLEXIBLE."   Abraham Lincoln

"TELL THE TRUTH. LIVE THE TRUTH. LIVE SO THAT YOU DON'T HAVE TO REMEMBER WHAT YOU SAID." 
Richard L. Evans   I often do not remember what I said but that is due to age not integrity!
 

Just a few thoughts to toy around with during the day.  Maybe you can do something with them?  Bye   Jim 

Any of you who read my blog with any degree of regularity know that I write about a wide variety of themes and topics--mostly it will be something I have been reading lately or sometimes something I have learned that I am passing along.

Today I will share something I have recently learned.

 I take a publication called  HEALTH RADAR which shares information on healthy advice and practices that are intended to be of benefit to the general public.

The July, 2014 issue just came and I found several things I would like to share:

5 Factors that Reverse Heart Disease

1. Increase fiber
2. East more fish
3. Increase nutrient levels ( eating a healthy diet will provide most vitamins and nutrients, but not necessarily all that your heart needs) "supplements can benefit your heart needs even if you eat well, exercise regularly, and manage stress," says Dr. Masley author of  The 30 day Heart Tune-up... He recommends taking a daily, well balanced multivitamin. Consult with your doctor if you  have special needs.
4. Reduce body fat
5. Increase your fitness.  "People who exercise regularly have 40% fewer heart attacks, strokes or cases of sudden death." says Dr Masley. "Regular exercise can help turn a sick, stiff, plaque-coated artery into a healthy one"  He believes that eventually exercise needs to be "intense to reverse heart disease."
But the Jim MacArthur method which I have been applying since I got home from my mission is to begin with whatever you can reasonably do but challenge yourself a little...and then increase your exercise to a point where it is evidence of doing something that stretches you a little."
I started with a 20 minute walk and am now doing 2 hours every morning of brisk walking and I "sprinkle" in about 15 minutes of jogging during the time I am out.  I intend to do longer and longer walks with a little more jogging. My next birthday is 70 so I am trying to be aware of my knees, hips etc...but I do feel I need to push myself a little to strengthen my overall body.

One final observation from this month's HEALTH RADAR is this--from a segment called FIT AFTER 50............ "the most important indicator of a person's risk for heart problems and diabetes is their current weight."

Well, there may be some who will dispute some of this but I have been a jogger most of my adult life and have had a few bouts with borderline diabetes which required me to meet with a clinical dietitian (I now have one in my family--my daughter Lori!!) and to do a lot of reading about how to improve one's adult health.

All that I have read, from MANY different sources tells me that there are several things that makes a HUGE difference in improving your general health and they are: 1) maintain a level of weight that is appropriate for your height 2) have a regular exercise program that challenges you a little 3) do things that help you with stress reduction 4) eat healthily and AVOID JUNK FOOD..GET RID OF SODA!  5) get a regular good night's sleep that is restful.

So if this helps you  to think about how to improve your health then you will be able to live a more quality life and to be with your family.  Have a nice day. Jim

The essence, the "core" of a person is what endures.  In our modern western world we have learned to fascinate ourselves with things in the short run...the temporary term of things.  And it is bringing us down in a tragic way.  Thus our obsession with food, sex, the body, pleasure, and that the "ends justify the means"....the ends justify the means as long as we "get what we want in the short run".
We have become a society in love with THE TEMPORARY...and due to that we have become a society of addiction. Why?  Because the essence of living in the "short run" REQUIRES  that we refill over and over, and very quickly, whatever we have chosen to "carry in our buckets".  Think about that...what do you carry in your bucket that has to be replaced quickly and over and over again?

Food?  Sex?  Pleasure?  Drugs?  Fame? Power?  Maintaining your grievances?  Control?  Having it "your way"?  Anger?  Selfishness?  Protecting your "secrets"?  Being right?  Competing for attention? Punishing others for hurting you?  Beauty?

OK--now I KNOW some of you reading this are looking at my list (and it could be tons longer) and you are justifying some or all of the things on my list.  In and of themselves..many of them are justifiable.  I agree.  But that is not my point.  My point is that we can be owned by each of them and then they begin to control us, own us...drive us to seek them insatiably.  If that is not happening in your life with any of these--then I pronounce you HEALTHY. :) 
But, in my 40 years of being a psychologist and working with people who are struggling to stay on top of their lives...I have seen that such temporary things, like those on my list above, often begin to define us and own us.  They take control of our lives.  That is not good. We should change that if it is occurring as it affects us and the members of our family and friends around us.

So, what IS the TRUE CORE of an emotionally healthy person?  It is their CHARACTER.  In the center of their being, their soul....they will find, carefully tucked away some very powerful, beautiful and ENDURING personal characteristics that can be the core of who they are. And the beauty of such a view of the emotionally healthy person is that their character can ENDURE.  It is not temporary and it does not control and drive them.....
As they discover it, feed it, develop it.....a calm comes over them...they sense something enduring and permanent inside of them...they realize they do not need the short-term quick fixes that so easily stimulate them....the short term "fixes" they must pay attention to in every moment...or they do not "feel good." 

Short term fixes that are in our bucket require us to always be checking to see if enough of our fix is in the bucket.  We panic if we do not regularly have enough of them.  Think about that versus the calm, enduring, permanency-laden CHARACTER of a person.  It was with you before you were born, and it can be with you all during your mortal life if you choose to acknowledge it...and it will go with you into eternity.  The other stuff just fools you, takes ownership of you, cheats you, and as you get older, leaves you empty and feeling that you deceived yourself.

Think about it.  Intriguing new ideas for some....a good reminder for others.....have a nice day. Jim

"A happy family is but an earlier heaven."

Sir John Bowring

Since I grew up in a family that struggled and much of the time I did not see how healthy parents function ....I have asked myself many times as a parent in my own family..... "what is the condition of our home?"

But the true underlying question is "what are my standards for my home?  By what do I measure the condition of my home?"

Of course that is YOUR decision. YOU choose the standards by which your home and family function....

But I can suggest you write down TEN words that represent some of the standards of your ideal home. Then thoughtfully reduce the ten to THREE.  And then study the condition of those three for a month and see if you can strengthen your home in those three areas.  I think you will be pleasantly surprised to find YOU and YOUR FAMILY can strengthen your home in amazing ways.

EXAMPLE:  What if you decide that the THREE words you choose will be:  LOVING ATMOSPHERE, WELL ORGANIZED, and GOSPEL CENTERED.

Then you next question is:  What do we do in our family to promote those three areas?  Have a family council and talk about your plan.  Meet together every two weeks to see how you are doing.  BUT THOSE THREE WORDS CAN GUIDE YOUR HOME AND FAMILY TO MEANINGFUL PROGRESS THAT STRENGTHENS ALL OF YOU.


If you try it and it helps you send me an email at sparky7264@gmail.com and tell me about it...it makes me happy to see families progress by working together. Have a nice day.  Jim

"Every person has secret sorrows which the world knows not; and often times we call that person cold when he is only sad."

Henry Wadsworth Longfellow


And with that, I say "good night" and hope you have many nice days ahead. Jim

In my profession as a psychologist, and in my own personal life, I  have seen suffering which is very difficult to get over.  It seems to become a part of us...the hurt does.  The hurt we suffered finds a place in our soul and makes a niche for itself and establishes permanent residence.

To the many people I have met who will recognize those words above as being descriptive of their own lives....I know you have often heard "just get over it"............and you feel that it is not so easy.
I have had my own very tough experiences with allowing hurt to find a longterm residence inside me.  After allowing it to be there too long.....it becomes harder and harder to ask it to leave.  It has found a home within us.  Sometimes it stays because we want it to.  Sometimes it stays because it begins to serve a certain purpose--it may justify our anger or feed our self pity.  And sometimes it stays because we just pay way too much attention to it.

Sometimes it stays because we do not know how to ask it to leave.  We feel helpless in the embrace of its power.  So there are lots of reasons why it is there and why it remains.  Here, in these few sentences, I would not be able to tell you how to rid yourself of your deep pain which has been there so long........but I think I have a couple of ideas that may help you to begin the process of ridding yourself of it..........

Accept responsibility for beginning to rid yourself of it.  You can ask for help, of course, but you must know this is YOUR JOB.  It is your responsibility.  You have to not want it to be there any longer.  How it started is no longer relevant when so much time has passed.  You will now take charge of its ultimate exit from your soul.

Do all you can to stop feeding it.  It can't live without being fed by your attention to its existence.

And finally, lots of people are suffering similar dilemmas.......go give them some help.  It will nourish the goodness and the nobility within you and the painful place will no longer feel natural....it will get smaller....you will think about it less.  The place within you where it had made residence will be open for a healthier new resident.  It will all feel much better to you.

"In the very depths of your soul, dig a grave; let it be as some forgotten spot to which no path leads; and there in the eternal silence bury the wrong which you have suffered. Your heart will feel as if a load had fallen from it, and a divine peace come to abide with you."      Author Unknown  (but thank you to the person who received that heavenly revelation)

Well, that is my thought for today. Have a nice day.  Jim