I hit 10,000 page reviews today...having put up 98 posts. Is there any way to send out my blog to more people?  Recommendations to sparky7264@gmail.com

When we think of the true and most obvious needs of our communities and the world today I see one thing that can make a huge difference if we would just do it.  Sometimes I think we are just unsure about HOW to do it--and that is to strengthen our families. A "family" can be defined as mother, father, and children...or mother and children, or father and children, or a senior couple whose children are gone from home...or it can be one person...or friends who get together to strengthen one another...Here is one very interesting recommendation for strengthening families from the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints----it is called FAMILY HOME EVENING.

What is it?  In 1915 the First Presidency of the Church announced that the members of the Church would be encouraged to meet together in families once a week (the day was formalized to Monday in 1970) to be together, enjoy each other, and  teach and learn the principles of the Gospel of Christ together.  So "the Mormons" (as they are nicknamed)  have been doing that since then.

Being a retired  psychologist I think that decision by the Church in 1915 (way ahead of the times--"worries" about families did not become a serious concern until many years later) was brilliant.  IF FAMILIES WILL GET TOGETHER ONCE A WEEK ON MONDAY EVENING (or choose another evening if for some reason Monday does not work for you)...to talk together, hold family councils to solve problems together, learn about things of common interest together, learn the Gospel together...and have fun together (throwing in some treats might help!) then I think ANY family can strengthen itself.
This means we are not waiting for the schools or the community or some other external source to strengthen our children and our families for us (even though we appreciate all the help we can get!)--WE are willing to do it. And when parents show their children the family matters to them by having FAMILY HOME EVENING---that sends a strong message to the children that hopefully they will follow when they are parents in the future.

FAMILY HOME EVENING--get together, play, have fun, learn, encourage, solve problems together, strengthen the family..make the family NUMBER ONE in your overall value system.

A very good idea. Try it.  Have a nice day. Jim MacArthur

I was watching the news on TV the other night and saw one story after another about murder, accidents, robberies and many other troublesome aspects of our lives.
I know why they are there---we want to see them.  Maybe it makes us feel better to NOT be featured in such news events...we feel more OK by watching them and privately saying "I am glad I am not there.."  Just a guess...not sure.

But today I want to talk about GOODNESS.  Why do we not see a series of news stories about acts of goodness that occur in our communities?  Would they not inspire us to be better and be the authors of more goodness?
Maybe we are just interested in COMFORT rather than in GOODNESS?

I read this quote in a book the other day (in A Dictionary of Thought by Runes)..........

"Goodness is held in such low regard that it takes  courage to profess it."

Do you think that is true based upon your experience?

Have a nice day. Jim MacArthur

FRIENDS........where would we be without friends.  Especially friends who remain with us through our hardest times...usually they can do that because they are firmly grounded in their own dearly held beliefs and values.  But when you fall...and find yourself alone........filled with a horrendous fear that no one will come to lift and carry you until you can walk again.....suddenly she appears and takes your hand and lifts...and you stand.

Friends just seem to show up at the most important times...the one thing that "shows loneliness the door" is a friend.

So here is a quote that I found the other day about friends...all of us need more friends.

"YOUR FRIEND IS ONE WHO SEES YOU AS YOU WOULD LOVE TO SEE YOURSELF."

I do not know who said it but I like it.

When your friend compliments you, admires you, notices some virtue you have....and you start to deny it or ignore it...DON'T.  Don't make what your friend is saying be totally true....even if it is half true...just let it warm you a bit and you will feel a lift in your step and you will be able to go on a distance.  Thank you, friend.

Have a nice day. Jim MacArthur

"Passion is given both to prophets and to sinners."

I thought about that and came to the conclusion that WHY we use strong emotions is the determining factor in whether they produce good or produce very little of real value.  For example, do I use passion to please myself or do I use it to promote a cause or a good idea that will bless my friends, family, church, company, social club...."?

Is it for ME or for more than just me?  Me is one. More than me is a number bigger than one...could be 7 or 15 or 600 or thousands.

So you can sit in front of the TV and eat popcorn and veg....(sometimes that is a good break so I am not entirely against it) BUT also you could turn off the TV, throw the popcorn out the back door to the birds...(they will be SUPER HAPPY)...and go to your computer and write a message about something you learned that might be of benefit to others..and send it.  Not an ego thing...it is a service thing.  It is not about YOU...it is about THEM.

Turn off your TV and think of someone you know who is sick or lonely.  Just call and chat for ten minutes...I think you will change their day...maybe their week...maybe their life. 
Buy a good book for kids at Deseret Industries or the Dollar Store or at a garage sale....or take it off your bookshelf in your house where it is covered with dust...and go find someone with a child who probably will not get a book to read for a long, long time...and give it to her.

Be PASSIONATE about helping someone in some simple way.  Passion is given to regular people filled with compassionate desire to bless others.    Jim MacArthur   Have a nice day.

"MISERY CAN LIVE WITHOUT COMPANY BUT JOY CANNOT."


"PATIENCE is out of place in quicksand."

One of my own thoughts from years ago... 
"To some degree we are all TWO people:  Our IDEAL self and our ACTUAL/CURRENT self"....the fascinating self evaluation is to determine whether we are moving toward our ideal self."  Jim MacArthur   Have a nice day.  I am back. 

(DRUM ROLL...........)  ANNOUNCING A ONE WEEK VACATION!  Sherri and I are going to northern California to visit my brother Mike...who we have not seen in four years due to our mission in Chile.  So, when I get back I will  put in another post.....HAVE A NICE WEEK.   Jimbomac

A couple of thoughts on faith...........

"Faith fundamentally is given only to those who take the road of reason to the bitter end."

"Faith has its weaknesses, but faithlessness is the poorest substitute."

Have a nice day. Jim

CIRCLES...................

You can think of your life as being a circle.  It is YOUR personal life circle.  You are in charge of what happens within the circle.  Inside THE circle you will find all the people you care about most...friends, family, co-workers etc.  Here is the question that impacted my life in a very major way....WHAT DO I WANT THESE VERY IMPORTANT PEOPLE IN MY LIFE TO EXPERIENCE BY BEING WITHIN MY CIRCLE?

I decided I want to help them experience two things:  personal value and worth and also a feeling of being loved and cared about.

So it is a very interesting experience to actually draw a circle on a piece of paper (big enough to contain the names of the most important people in your life).....and to then WRITE the names of those very important persons.

Next to each name you will use my famous ten scale and determine how much personal worth/value and then how much love each of those people experiences in their relationship with you.  If the numbers are too low in some cases then your next step is obvious...WHAT DO I DO TO BOOST THAT NUMBER HIGHER?

Want to see an example?  Well, I am not competent enough on computer graphics to draw a big circle here but you can imagine one....then WITHIN that circle I write the names of each of my family, close friends, and others.....

Each person will have TWO numbers after his or her name...one for personal value and worth and one for how loved they feel...

Here are the names of two of my grandchildren:  Claire and Cooper.  For Claire I would put  7 and 8.  For Cooper I would put 6 and 7.

Not bad but good enough?  Am I satisfied with my relationship with Claire and Cooper as I think about those two "inside the circle" characteristics that I want everyone in my circle to experience at 10 on a 10 scale? Admittedly that is very ideal...but you get the idea..I want the numbers to be higher and not lower. Putting those I care about INSIDE MY PERSONAL CIRCLE and trying to offer them a sense of worth and value and a sense of being loved...has helped me to focus and work at the important relationships of my life.  It does not guarantee things will improve as relationships are complex...but it DOES give you a way to try to make a difference as much as you can.


Try it...see where you stand with the important people in your life.  Realize you CAN make a difference in very important ways.

You can also customize a circle for your Primary class....a class you might teach in the public schools, a group you work in your employment, your brothers and sisters.....a team you are on etc.  Any group of people you have  a relationship can GO WITHIN A CIRCLE and you can ask yourself the two important questions listed above for each person within the circle:  how do I help those people feel worth and value and how do I help them feel loved?

So, if you can master that idea and use it regularly...you can make a real difference in this world with many people in many different relationships you might have with them.  Try it...you will like it.  Have a nice day. Jim

I honestly believe the key to strengthening the future of our country lies in focusing on and strenthening our families.  We MUST have devoted fathers and exemplary mothers. Obviously, every woman has the privilege of pursuing any personal and/or career dream she has...as does any man but take it from a boy who grew up in a very troubled family and is still paying for it 69 years later....and from a psychologist who has treated disturbed and struggling teenagers and young adults who have said over and over "I am proud of my parents accomplishments--but I would have preferred to have them at the table after school to eat cookies with me, watch me player soccer, and snuggle up and read a good book with me."
Kids want parents--not CEO's who secondarily are parents.  Please do not misunderstand me---I am not discrediting accomplished parents. Many have achieved much and have been awesome parents at home. The world is a better place because of their accomplishments.... BUT I HAVE SPENT FORTY YEARS IN THE TRENCHES WITH MOMS AND DADS AND KIDS STRUGGLING TO MAINTAIN GOOD MENTAL HEALTH, SELF ESTEEM, AND WHO WANT TO BE EMBRACED BY THE LOVE OF PARENTS WHO PUT THEM NUMBER ONE.  THEY PLEAD FOR IT OVER AND OVER...BEHIND CLOSED DOORS IN THE PSYCHOLOGIST'S OFFICE...WHERE I WORKED FOR NEARLY 40 YEARS.  I AM NOT GUESSING. I AM SURE.  FAMILIES MUST BE FIRST.

"Children do not know how their parents love them, and they never will till the grave closes over those parents, or till they have children of their own."  Edmund Vance Cook

"The mother in her office holds the key of the soul; and she it is who stamps the coin of character."  Author unknown

"The happiest moments of my life have been the few which I have passed at home in the bosom of my family."  Thomas Jefferson

"To be happy at home is the ultimate result of all ambition."  Samuel Johnson

"A man travels the world over in search of what he needs, and returns home to find it."  George Moore

Have a nice day. Jim

Who do you think said this?

"WHEN I DO GOOD I FEEL GOOD.  WHEN I DON'T DO GOOD I DON'T FEEL GOOD."

a) John F Kennedy
b) Abraham Lincoln
c) Helen Keller
d) Julius Caesar

 scroll down to see answer....

















answer is b)  Abraham Lincoln

One of the continuing HOT TOPICS of today....one that has been talked about for as long as I can remember is CHANGE--PERSONAL CHANGE.

Most of us want to change something about ourselves.  That is why I like the ten scale.  I can take ANYTHING I potentially want to change in myself and then take the all important step one which is to assess WHERE I AM NOW.

Example, suppose I want to be physically healthier......step one is to rate myself on a ten scale to determine how healthy I think I am now (today).  Suppose I rate myself a 5.  That means that if 10 is ideal and 0 is very poor--5 means what?  I am average (in my own opinion). If you really want to pin down the accuracy of your own assessment then ask a couple of good friends or family members what number they would give you-and tell them TO BE HONEST.  Anything less than an complete honesty assessment won't help much.

What if I think maybe I am depressed and I want to feel better mentally?  Step one is?  Assess yourself on the ten scale.  I have struggled with depression and anxiety my whole life so I am regularly interested in how I am doing now and what I can do to improve my situation. Why should I care?  Because my depression affects ME, MY FAMILY, MY GRANDCHILDREN, MY CHURCH SERVICE, MY RELATIONSHIPS, MY JOB (well, I retired not long ago so my "job" now is just to bug Sherri every day!! :)
OK, so if I ask myself what rating I would give myself on my depression as of May, 2014 I would say about 5.  That is not real bad but the crucial question is "does that level of depression affect me, my family, others things I want to do?"  If it does then I need to do some more work.

So, if you have been following my blog for any length of time you know I am BIG on SELF-ASSESSMENT.  Because if you do not know where you are on a certain characteristic (like depression) then how do you know if you need to take some steps to move to a better place?

So here is my THOUGHT FOR THE DAY.  It can transform your life if you do it........

IF YOU WANT TO CHANGE SOME ASPECT OF YOUR LIFE...THEN YOU MUST DO SOMETHING DIFFERENT THAN YOU ARE DOING NOW.

And if you REALLY want to take that and run with it......then do two more things:  tell someone else what you are going to do and record your progress each day in written form.  If you don' t do that then you have no evidence of change.

Ok--one more time folks.  This sentence can change your life but only if you do it, tell someone, and track your progress in written form.  Don't quit easily.  You are doing it for yourself, your family, your career, important people in your life.

IF YOU WANT TO CHANGE SOME ASPECT OF YOUR LIFE TO ANY DEGREE...THEN YOU MUST DO SOMETHING DIFFERENT THAN YOU ARE DOING NOW.

Let me know how it goes (sparky7264@gmail.com)..have a nice day.  Jim

"Each day we are made increasingly aware of the fact that life is more than science and mathematics, more than history and literature.  There is a need for another education, without which the substance of our secular learning may lead only to our destruction.  I refer to the education of the heart, of the conscience, of the character, of the spirit----these indefinable aspects of our personalities which determine so certainly what we are and what we do in our relationships one with another."

 President Gordon B Hinckley, General Conference, October 1964

THE EDUCATION OF THE HEART by Russell T. Osguthorpe....a good friend of mine...is a must read as it addresses a truly crucial aspect of the education of our youth and family members....the education of the heart.
Have a nice day.  Jim

"Julia Ward Howe was talking to a distinguished senator.  She asked him to interest himself in the case of a person who needed help.  The senator answered, ' Julia, I have become so busy, I can no longer concern myself with individuals.'  She replied, 'That's remarkable. Even God hasn't reached that stage yet.' 

Ralph W. Sockman

"A child learns more by imitation than in any other way.  Don't we all?  And the persons he imitates most blindly and trustingly are bound to be his parents...Nature has made the relationship between parent and child such that beside it any other training bears a certain artificiality."
GEORGE SANDERLIN

That puts parents in their proper role..bearing their proper responsibility...I would just change one thing in the quote above........ "Nature has made..."   Personally I would say " God has made...:

Have a nice day. Jim

"When things go wrong, as they sometimes will,
When the road you're trudging seems all uphill,
When the funds are low and the debts are high,
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh,
When care is pressing you down a bit,
Rest if you must, but DON'T YOU QUIT.

Success is failure turned inside out---
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt,
And you never can tell how close you are,
It may be near when it seems afar,
So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit---
It's when things seem worse that you mustn't quit"
Author of poem unknown (but found in the book WHO AM I? Asks the Alcoholic
Ivan Lackey, author of book 

PERSIST.  PERSIST.  PERSIST.  PLEASE PERSIST.  If you do---you will see new horizons and new pathways...and MANY people around you WILL LEARN FROM WATCHING YOU PERSIST.  PERSISTENCE MAKES YOU INTO A TEACHER....

Have a nice day. Jim

Truth is a sadly misunderstood word in the culture of the modern era.  We insist that everything be tentative, temporary, and a matter of legitimate "opinion"........OPINION REIGNS SUPREME.

Opinion is a great thing and inspires us to debate appropriate issues and create well thought out arguments based in good research and well founded thinking.  That is why we read, study, share ideas and go to universities...That is why we chat, argue, challenge and rethink our ideas after listening to each other's opinions.....all good for the development of our ideas and theories........BUT............

Some QUESTIONS are NOT for men and women to answer based upon their opinions no matter how well thought out they are. What questions might those be?  ETERNAL QUESTIONS.  They lie squarely within GOD'S DOMAIN and not ours.  Example?  Who is God and what is He like?  Why did He create this earth for us?  What does He want us to do here? Is there an Eternal Plan for us?  What constitutes that Plan?  What is our true relationship to Him?
Those questions are not ours to answer.  They are His. How does He communicate the answers to those questions to us so that we have them with certainty?  If you read through the Holy Scriptures you will see they were REVELATIONS given by way of individuals selected by God to AUTHORITATIVELY SPEAK FOR HIM...so we would have his will by which we could pattern our lives.  We should have the answers to those questions above FROM HIM....not anyone else.
It is NOT our privileged to GUESS at the answers to such essential questions.  DO NOT GUESS AT THE ANSWERS TO QUESTIONS THAT ARE HIS TO ANSWER AND LIKEWISE ARE OF ETERNAL CONSEQUENCE. Guessing at the answers to such questions is a bad idea. Let us leave to God HIS questions and answers as we are still left with boatloads of others we can "opionate" on...

And you may want to know that God not only revealed His will to His children on the earth in ancient times...but He continues to do so today.  The word Truth (capital T) means is comes from God directly.  And the word truth (small t) is an opinion which we are entitled to have regarding questions that are NOT of eternal consequence and thus their answers do not have to come from God. On such questions He wants us to wrestle, struggle and share ideas to see what we can learn. For example "how should we discipline children"....or "what is the best color?"  or who is the most influential author of the 20th century in the United States?"  All fascinating questions and each person's opinion is of value and we fan learn from all such opinions.
But "Who is God and what does He want us to do?" is HIS question and the True answer comes only from Him.

"And when ye shall receive these things, I would exhort you that ye would ask God, the Eternal Father, in the name of Christ, if these things are not true; and if ye shall ask with a sincere heart, with real intent, having faith in Christ, he will manifest the truth of it unto you by the power of the Holy Ghost.
And by the power of the Holy Ghost ye may know the truth of all things."  Moroni 10:4-5
Fascinating, right?  Have a nice day. Jim

"Special tribute is due to those righteous Church members who do not weary despite sustained adversity, who regularly and quietly endure their special trials in faith day by day.  These individuals--and they are all around us----cope with the 'short and sharp' trials as well as the 'long and tough' ones. The very nature of this mortal experience is, as has been said: 'the only way to go is through, there isn't any around'.........

Elder Neal A. Maxwell
Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints

Not to try to "out-think" someone like Elder Maxwell....but simply to add one additional point of view on what he so eloquently said........I would say that there are some who (going back to sentence one above) "DO weary" as they go through their "sustained adversity"....but SOMEHOW they find a way to get up each morning and take further steps and move on down the road of their own adversity.  BOTH those who "do weary" and those who apparently don't....CONTINUE...THEY STAY "IN THE GAME".........I so admire those who continue to "participate" in family, church, career, service...EVEN WHEN they are FOREVER IN THEIR OWN GETHSEMANE....

Let's give both groups a standing ovation and thank them for being examples of courage to the rest of us.  Have a nice day. Jim

  COSTUMES.

Today we will talk about costumes we all wear.  What do I mean by that?  Due to our fears, needs, anxieties and oftentimes our desire to be superior to others...we wear COSTUMES (psychological type costumes)  Let me explain:  If you do not mind I will use myself as an example.  I grew up with a tremendous amount of uncertainty, anxiety, fear, distrust etc.  I was physically small, intellectually average (as I perceived it due to my lack of awareness of how to perform more adequately intellectually)  and I was very afraid of rejection by others.  Since I had little help at home...I felt if I could not obtain the acceptance of peers and others outside my home..I would have nothing..I would be alone.  Not good.

So, without knowing what a COSTUME was...I created one!  The purpose of a costume, by definition, means that because we perceive ourselves privately one way but fear that in the public arena we will not be found acceptable to others, we feel a great need to be sure we can get that acceptance that we so desperately desire.  We make ourselves into another person who is more acceptable to others!  We CREATE a public self that we hope others will find much more acceptable and "OK".
So, I  became funny, very friendly to towards others, smiley, helpful to others, much more extrovertish....Basically, I became a "pleaser" ...A pleaser is a person who finds out what people around him want him to be like and he gives it to them.  He does not express contrary opinions...does not stand up for himself.  He just finds out what "the others want" and gives it to them.  He is not really true to himself.  He is not into integrity but rather desperately wants approval from others at basically any cost.  So that is what I did.
You notice that not all aspects of the created public self that wears that pleaser costume are bad or undesirable.  But the underlying problem is that we lack genuiness and integrity because we are "selling out" in order to get approval from others.  Everyone wants approval from others but how high a price are we willing to pay?  What are we willing to for approval? Some pay a price that is way too high.  Some are playing the "pleaser game" and quite often do not realize it.
So, in what way was my pleaser style of living a costume?  Underneath my pleaser costume I was an angry, sad, lonely, insecure, scared little boy and later a teen with the same characteristics.   So I "faked it" and put on my pleaser costume and went out into the world hoping the reaction I would get to my "costume self" would be positive and produce a favorable outcome for me.
Well, mostly it worked.  But it also created some problems.  I knew that the acceptance I was experiencing was not entirely real because people around me were responding positively to my costumed self; not my real self.  But, hey...let's not talk about such honest stuff!
Actually, I was trying to keep my real, private self HIDDEN.  I had a good reason! That self would certainly be rejected and I could not tolerate that possibility.  Do you see my complicated problem?  Those around me were responding positively to my pretend, fakey public pleaser self. It was not really me.  Did they like me?  No, they were liking my pretend me.  The pretend me had a hugely important role to perform---IT WAS TO PREVENT MY PRIVATE, DAMAGED PRIVATE SELF FROM BEING DISCOVERED AND REJECTED!!  I could not let that happen.
But by hiding my underneath self.....that part of me also could NOT receive the help it so desperately needed.  What a dilemma!  My underneath, private, real self had to hide out and not receive the nurturance it so desperately needed in order to maintain the public self that wore the PLEASER COSTUME because people liked the pleaser self and allowed me to be "ok" and "acceptable" at some level at least....as long as I smile, was a good "actor" and did whatever "the others" wanted.  If I was successful at that effort...day to day things would be ok...BUT my real self, underneath, WOULD CONTINUE to suffer and be alone receiving little or no help that it really needed.  WHAT A TRAP!

But that is why many of us wear costumes--the costumes keep us "in the game" with an adequate amount of public acceptability, or acceptability within the family, within the career world etc.
What would happen to you if you took off your costume and lived in a more real and congruent, genuine way?  Could be a scary risk, right?
Well, I remember years ago that I decided I was tired of putting on my costume every day so I made a conscious decision to quit doing it.  I found I liked myself much better the more genuine I became. I could still be friendly, and maintain some of my previous characteristics BUT I could show a much wider array of personal characteristics...could express myself more honestly and openly....could risk more...could be more mature and could depend more on self approval than on public approval.  Actually it is not either/or......but I could seek approximately 60% self approval and maybe 40% external/public approval....and that ratio could legitimately vary somewhat... 80/20, 60/40  even 50/50 at certain  times..But I was in charge of that ratio and could base the whole effort in a more honest and legitimate form of self evaluation and self approval.  The costume could stay in the closet and the "games" would end.
Hope you find that interesting and helpful. Have a nice day. Jim

"Perhaps the greatest charity comes when we are kind to each other, when we don't judge or categorize someone else, when we simply give each other the benefit of the doubt or remain quiet.  Charity is accepting someone's differences, weaknesses and shortcomings; having patience with someone who has let us down, or resisting the impulse to become offended when someone doesn't handle something the way we might have hoped.  Charity is refusing to take advantage of another's weakness and being willing to forgive someone who has hurt us. Charity is expecting the best of each other."

Elder Marvin J Ashton
Quorum of the Twelve Apostles
The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints

Can such an attitude be CHOSEN or is that expecting too much of ourselves?  Have a nice day. Jim

Oh and I am adding this late----If you had asked me many years ago when I was much younger WHO had taught me the most of greatest value in my life I would have named a large number of people who had entered my life and taught me many amazing things....BUT...having said that....I will now give you the answer to that question that comes from the Jim MacArthur who is three weeks from his 69th birthday--------------the person who has taught me the most is not just ONE person....THOSE who have taught me the most are my ten children: Toran, David, Paul, Mike, Lindi, Lori, Don, Debbie, Mark, and Sharolyn MacArthur

and WHO made them into people who could teach me so much?  THEIR MOTHER--Sherri McUne MacArthur

 

I have two great thoughts for today..pick one or both!

Ralph Waldo Emerson once wrote, "Earth laughs in flowers."

"No one ever plowed a field by turning it over in his mind."  (Anonymous)

Have a nice day. Jimbomac