You get a little of everything in this blog...just random stuff I hope is helpful in some way.....
Once we are parents....we have an obligation to stay alive. That may sound strange but there are so many accidents that could be prevented.

I remember hearing for years "Speed does not kill (speaking of driving fast)...people do."
So during one of our career fairs at BYU we had a representative of the Utah Highway Patrol there to interview students who might be interested in that line of work. I had a chance to talk to him so I asked the question I ALWAYS have wanted to ask....DOES SPEED KILL? He said definitely yes because anything that happens to a driver on any road can be handled much better if the vehicle is traveling at lower speeds. If a dog runs out in front of your car and you swerve to miss it--will it matter if you are going 20 or 40? Yes, it will.  The higher the speed the more likely you will roll your vehicle.

Anyway, in a recent issue of THE UNIVERSE (a campus newspaper published daily at BYU) there was an article giving some interesting and helpful information on one of our newer road challenges--TEXTING WHILE DRIVING. I will cite some of it for you:

What are the five most common causes of ROAD FATALITIES in Utah?  (Even though you may not live in Utah I think you will find this helpful)

There were 219 road fatalities in Utah in 2013 according to  zerofatalities.org

11 were caused by "distracted driving"  (texting is an example of this problem)


12 by "drowsy driving"
28 by "impaired driving"
50 by "aggressive driving"
71 by "improper restraint"

A USDOT study reported drivers are TWENTY-THREE (23) TIMES  more likely to crash if they text while driving.  A single mother of three was hit by a distracted driver in 2013 while she crossed University Ave in Provo and died hours later.

According to the official US government website for distracted driving, "sending or receiving a text takes a driver's eyes from the road for an average of 4.6 seconds, the equivalent---at 55 mph---of driving the length of an entire football field , blind."
A Provo PD representative said " Don't talk on the phone and drive because you just might be distracted."

Solution?  Get rid of the distraction altogether.  Leave your phone in your pocket while driving, give it to a passenger, or pull over if you need to use it.
Would you drive drunk?  Probably not.  It has been said many times that texting while driving is as bad as or worse than drunk driving."  Let's VOTE FOR SAFETY. Parents, your kids need you alive.  And your teen-age drivers will imitate what they see you do in driving  your car.  Do  you want them texting or talking to friends while driving?  Better talk about it with them and then set a good example.

Observations from your favorite local Orem self appointed safety advisor...Dr Jim MacArthur  

A lesson from a bee..................

Elder James E. Talmage of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints related this personal experience that he had while writing in a room set aside just for that purpose.

"A bee once entered a room where I was writing. The bee came from some nearby hills, and for an hour or two, I heard the buzzing of it's flight.  This little creature came to believe he was a prisoner, nevertheless, all of his efforts toward finding an exit near the small opening where he came in failed.
  
When I was ready to close the room and go, I opened the window and tried to guide and finally force the bee toward freedom and security, knowing that if he remained in the room, he would die like the other trapped insects in the room in the dry atmosphere.  But the harder I tried to help it get out, with even greater determination it opposed me and resisted my efforts.  His previously pleasing buzzing changed into a sound of fury, and his rapid flight became threatening and hostile.
It was then that it suddenly stung my hand...the hand that had tried to guide it to liberty.  Finally it landed on a small overhang near the ceiling, far from where I could help it or hurt it.
Interestingly, the pain of the sting on my hand provoked in me more sadness than anger.  I recognized the inevitable price he would pay for his misguided opposition and challenge, but I had to leave him to his destiny.  Three days later I returned to the room and found on the desk the dry lifeless body of the bee.  
His life had been the price he paid for his stubbornness.

Liahona magazine, February, 2003, pages 36-37.

How can you personally apply to your life the lesson taught to you by the bee?

When you get along in years (like I am...69 coming up in a couple of months) and your child raising years are behind you (in terms of having them in your own home and under your own more direct guidance) on some days your lip trembles a bit in sadness and on other days you smile happily as you remember your developing efforts while learning to be a parent.

So I will be a little personal here (unlike me, right? :)    I grew up never seeing a functional family in my own home.  So I came into marriage and parenting not knowing much about some very important things...like how to control my emotions when I got overwhelmed and angry.  That was probably my worst mistake that I regret the most during the early years of raising my ten children.  Sherri had no problem with any of that---she is level headed, mature, consistent and sensible and sensitive...all traits I needed more of but did not have enough of...I am happy to say I have worked on them and have gotten better but I still live in the fear of making significant mistakes as a parent and grandparent due to the fact that I have not sufficiently "learned my parenting lessons."  But it is also important NOT to be too hard on yourself as everyone has their weaknesses as a parent and spouse.  The truly important thing is to not get too comfortable and to quit learning and progressing.  Get feedback from some in your family and see where you can improve. That is very important.
In my professional and personal opinion...good marriages are 20% "found" and 80% "built"......likewise with good families...the 20/80 rule applies there as well.  I CAN TELL YOU WITH 100% CONFIDENCE THAT GOOD AND IMPROVING FAMILIES DO NOT JUST MAGICALLY OR ACCIDENTALLY IMPROVE.  THEY REQUIRE A PLAN, WAYS TO CHECK ON IF THE PLAN IS WORKING, EVERYONE IN THE FAMILY IS IN ON THE PLAN....AND CELEBRATION AS THE PLAN "WORKS."  The parents are always in charge of the plan. Always.  The children are always part of implementing the plan...always.

So here is a suggestion from President Gordon B Hinckley about something he thinks serves to strengthen families.  He is so down to earth that I like what he says.  For years I have said there are THREE FUNDAMENTAL THINGS that can change a family faster than anything else:  regular family prayer morning and night, family scripture reading at a time when the kids mostly enjoy it, and family home evening once a week without fail.

President Hinckley:  " Twice blessed is the child who, while he or she is so young as perhaps to be unable to comprehend the words, can nevertheless feel the spirit of prayer as a loving mother or a kind father helps with a few words of prayer at bedtime.
Fortunate, indeed, are the boys and girls, including those in their teens, in whose homes there is the practice of morning and evening family prayer.
I know of no better way to develop a spirit of appreciation in children than for all of the members of the family to kneel to thank the Lord for his blessings.  Such humble expression will do wonders to build within the hearts of children a recognition of the fact that God is the source of the precious gifts we have.
I know of no better way to cultivate a desire to do what is right than to humbly ask for forgiveness from him whose right it is to forgive, and to ask for strength to live above weakness.
LET PRAYER, NIGHT AND MORNING, AS A FAMILY AND AS INDIVIDUALS, BECOME A PRACTICE IN WHICH CHILDREN GROW WHILE YET YOUNG.  IT WILL BLESS THEIR LIVES FOREVER. NO PARENT IN THIS CHURCH CAN AFFORD TO NEGLECT IT."

***** "ask for the strenth to live above weakness..." Pres. Hinckley says. THAT is one of the most crucial things every parent must learn to do.  Too many losers if he or she does not learn that.

President Gordon B Hinckley
First Presidency of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints
from Temple Square in Salt Lake City   27 January 1985

"How great is the wisdom of God and the beauty of his creation.  But as we look at the world around us and see what man has done to it, we are tempted to believe that we can do nothing to change it, nothing to stop the violence, the pornography, the hate, the tragedy that from time t6o time bathes our small planet in the blood of world conflict.
Perhaps our best chance at changing the world lies in changing our own small world, in making havens of our homes, creating islands of peace and harmony, islands where love rules.
Making a haven of our home is not to isolate ourselves from the world, for all in the world is not bad, but to provide some guidance and protection.  It consists not in isolation but in insulation, in providing a barrier for our family against chaos and indecency.  It is an admission that we, as parents, cannot do everything but that we can do something; and whatever we can do, we should do.
This is not an easy task, this making havens of our homes. Our doors are open; our walls are thin. Minute by minute, day by day, the intrusions multiply, the unwanted influences increase.  But surrender is not the answer, nor defeat the outcome.
We who call ourselves fathers or mothers must place ourselves in charge.  We have not only the responsibilities of parenthood but also the rights--the right to decide what goes on in our household. what is watched on television, which videos are viewed, what language is spoken, what books are read.
We cannot, we must not, be bullied by the world. Let those who would live differently do so at their own expense, not ours,.  Let society preach what it wants. But we, we are in charge of our own.
Permissiveness, dishonesty,  obscenity, selfishness, the impure, and hatred--these are the enemies of happiness and shall be kept outside our walls.
Trust, discipline, refinement, humility, virtue, and love--these are the allies of happiness and should be harbored within.  They are the values that make this country rich.
Like the ancient castles and fortresses of medieval times with their moats and drawbridge, their towering walls and armaments--all to provide safety from wild beasts and human intruders--we, too can provide a place of refuge for our families in making homes of our houses and havens of our homes."

J. Spencer Kinard
July 6, 1986
The Spoken Word, Temple Square, Salt Lake City, Utah  KSL TV and Radio

"Albert Einstein wasn't able to speak until he was four and didn't read until he was seven, causing his teachers and parents to think he was mentally handicapped, slow and anti-social."

IF YOU HAVE NEVER FAILED YOU HAVE NEVER TRIED ANYTHING NEW.





Suppose you would like to develop a more positive and meaningful relationship with one of the children or grandchildren in your family or extended family.....want a GOOD suggestion on something you can do to get that started?
READ A BOOK OUT LOUD TOGETHER AND TALK ABOUT IT...it might take a week or two but you will get some awesome results from making such a decision to read a book together.  Let me know how it goes.  Sparky7264@gmail.com  is my email...........

For some reason, I got on an "Elder Holland kick"  so here is my last one from him...for now, anyway!!

WHEN WE SPEAK OF THOSE WHO ARE INSTRUMENTS IN THE HAND OF GOD, WE ARE REMINDED THAT NOT ALL ANGELS ARE FROM THE OTHER SIDE OF THE VEIL. SOME OF THEM WE WALK WITH AND TALK WITH--HERE, NOW, EVERY DAY.  SOME OF THEM RESIDE IN OUR OWN NEIGHBORHOODS. SOME OF THEM GAVE BIRTH TO US, AND IN MY CASE, ONE OF THEM CONSENTED TO MARRY ME.
INDEED HEAVEN NEVER SEEMS CLOSER THAN WHEN WE SEE THE LOVE OF GOD MANIFESTED IN THE KINDNESS AND DEVOTION OF PEOPLE SO GOOD AND SO PURE THAT ANGELIC IS THE ONLY WORD THAT COMES TO MIND.

ELDER JEFFREY R. HOLLAND

I wonder why we tend to think that these angels that come to us are what someone else does....why not one of us going to someone else who needs an angel?  I think we can be that angel whenever we want to..whenever we see the need and choose to respond.

"When Christ comes, the members of His Church must look and act like members of His Church are supposed to look and act if we are to be acceptable to Him.

We must be doing His work and we must be living His teachings.

He must recognize us quickly and easily as truly being His disciples."

Elder Jeffrey R. Holland

" You and I won't ever find ourselves on that cross, but we repeatedly find ourselves at the foot of it.  And how we act there will speak volumes about what we think of Christ's character and His call for us to be His disciples."

Elder Jeffrey R. Holland
Quorum of the Twelve Apostles
The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints

Today I will teach you about what is called THE LINE OF PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY and how it can be used.  This can be a transforming idea. I have used it personally and in my professional work as well.

Each of us follows a course in our lives that is often known as a personal life journey.  In the first part (called childhood and into adolescence) many EXTERNAL factors and experiences influence what we become as a person and how we perceive ourselves.  During that initial period of time in life we are quite vulnerable.  We hope we will be treated and taught well...so that our development as a human being/person is relatively "normal" (I am never totally sure what normal is!).....We tend to BELIEVE what people tell us about ourselves in our earlier years...that makes sense as we are not very capable of responding to what we are told about ourselves or the "messages" we get by how we are treated.  This does not mean that what might happen to us in the earlier stages of life is always negative..quite often it is very positive and healthy. So we grow up to be emotionally healthy people if that is our childhood/teen experience.  Outside the family forces can also lead us to good or poor mental health.  Nevertheless,  during those formative years we are heavily influenced by OTHERS and OUTSIDE EXPERIENCES.

But here comes the lesson for the day....for me this was extremely LIFE CHANGING.

Having gone through a difficult childhood and also many challenges in my teen years....I felt a bit sorry for  myself...and I wondered WHY did all this negative stuff happen to ME?  It really impacted me in quite a negative counter-developmental way.  I wondered if I could ever "get over it".  I am a psychologist so I have given many talks and presentations on how any given individual develops over a lifetime and what helps or hinders solid good human development.

One day I was writing a talk that was going to be on BYU Television (which goes all over the world) so I REALLY WANTED THIS ONE TO BE GOOD AND TO CONTAIN SOME REAL HELPFUL SUGGESTIONS SO MANY COULD BENEFIT FROM IT.  It was called Being the TRANSITIONAL PERSON is a dysfunctional family.  The person who breaks the chain of unhealthy living and helps the current and future generations live differently and better.

I was writing the talk and drew a timeline.........beginning at birth/childhood/adolescence/ young adult/adult/ later years as an adult and then senior status.  I "walked" myself through my earlier years, thinking about them.....and how they troubled me.  SUDDENLY it hit me LIKE A BRICK ON MY HEAD.........and this is the big truth I want to share with you........THERE WAS A CERTAIN POINT IN MY ADULT LIFE WHEN I CONSCIOUSLY DECIDED TO DRAW A LINE IN THE SAND OF MY LIFE....I DECIDED TO CALL IT THE LINE OF PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY.  That simply means it is the point in time (in your own life) when you accept FULL AND COMPLETE RESPONSIBILITY FOR WHO YOU ARE AND HOW YOU ARE.  It will always be true that my early formative years occurred under the hands of some people who harmed me and influenced my mental/overall human development in a very negative way.  I became depressed...highly anxious and insecure.  I lived a life of fear...afraid of what was coming next to possibly harm me.  I do not recall exactly the age when this happened but it SUDDENLY HIT ME  "Jim, now is the time for you to 100% take over responsibility for yourself." Nor more blaming of someone else for how I was/am....no more excuses...no more feeling like a victim of the actions of others...no more self pity.
I was now old enough and mature enough to take over full and total responsibility for how my life was going to be from that point on. What personal characteristics did I want to exhibit?  What skills did I want to develop?  What values did I want to have?  What personal beliefs did I want to have guide my life, what kinds of decisions did I want to make?  What was I going to think of myself?  Wax the rest of my life going to be "about me" or could I turn the direction of it so that it became more "about others/service/ helping/teaching...sharing...strengthening others....mentoring...guiding..."

IT WAS, AT THAT POINT, MY DECISION TO DRAW THE LINE OF PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY IN THE SAND OF MY LIFE AND REALIZE THAT WHATEVER I BECAME OR DID FROM THAT POINT ON WAS ALL MINE.  The good and the not so good....all mine (speaking of personal responsibility)....Of course many people would continue to help me and bless my life...including God.  But, THE BOTTOM LINE was that I JAMES DAVID MACARTHUR was NOT going to blame others and then excuse myself..or expect less of myself....or be too self preoccupied (self focused) anymore.....my life them was...I AM RESPONSIBLE FOR WHERE I GO FROM HERE AND MY "PREVIOUS LIFE" WAS NOT GOING TO HOLD MY FUTURE LIFE HOSTAGE ANYMORE.
It was so FREEING to think that way.  Now, in fact I was still affected by my difficult childhood and teen experiences..but now I was going to face them, deal with them, work with them step by step and get better, healthier....more mature and stronger.  Yep, that was/is what I intended to do.

I was the captain of my own ship...speaking of personal responsibility for my life.

I set goals, made plans, made decisions....got more education...learned new skills....forgave, stopped feeling so sorry for myself....patted myself on the back when I needed it...and moved on realizing that I was going to now take full responsibility for "things"  and stop the POOR ME'S...
It is much better this way....it is actually kind of fun and inspiring to head down this new path...at least it was/is for me.

If it rains in your life..... instead of shaking your fist at the dark rainclouds and cursing the rain that is getting you wet....get out your umbrella, put on your rain boots and keep walking, learning, serving, improving.....and you might get a little wet but it won't matter too much....there are too many other good things happening a long the path you are traveling to worry too much about the rain.

So, if you need to draw a line.....and accept more responsibility for yourself and where you go in life from here...then do not wait one more minute...DRAW THE LINE...MOVE AHEAD...and help others to do the same.  We will all travel together and help each other keep going.....I hope this idea makes some sense to you...it CERTAINLY has been awesome for me. Jim

BEHIND EVERY BIG MOMENT,   THERE ARE LOTS OF SMALL ONES..........

Hi.  How are you doing?  More stuff coming up on Sparky's Learning Korner..here goes...

I once wrote a book on families.  When it was published by Deseret Book Company I was very surprised as my best talent is NOT writing. I use too many words (like I do when speaking!!) But there is no more important topic than family and what occurs in the family.

Since writing my book which was published I think in 2004...I have continued to study the family through reading, observing and pondering.  When I was in Chile for three years I made many presentations on healthy families. I thought I would share a few of those ideas with whoever reads my blog.  This is not intended to be "complete" but rather "thought provoking".  When I write in my blog I am not trying to SETTLE THE ISSUE...I am just offering some hopefully stimulating ideas that cause you to think and perhaps even DO something!!

Few families are what we call PROACTIVE FAMILIES.  What does proactive mean in family life?  It is based in an extremely important fundamental concept in strengthening families--namely that stronger families DO NOT JUST HAPPEN COINCIDENTALLY.
I love the idea of INTENTIONAL PARENTING.  That means that each parent regularly answers this question:  "What will I do tomorrow differently as a parent in this family so that I can make a difference in the condition of my family and the progress of each member of the family?"
When I spoke about his in Chile everyone loved the idea..until I hit them with the follow up question when I saw them later:  "What did you ACTUALLY DO with the things you learned?"

We like what we hear in various presentations in our careers, families, educational pursuits, personal improvement talks and so on...but THE BIG QUESTION is always...WHAT WILL I DO NOW? WHAT IS MY NEXT STEP?

I always recommend tracking what you proactively intend to do, along with your accomplishments, in a journal kept just for the purpose of tracking your growth and/or the growth of your family according to your proactive planning.

FAMILY PLANNING CAN HAVE MORE THAN ONE MEANING!!  I want to change certain things in my parenting or our family life...so I will create a specific plan on what I intend to change and how I will attempt to do it...and I will write something in my family planning journal every day about what I did or did not do.

Here are a few specific ideas............

You can come up with the specifics but there are certain questions I encourage parents to ask themselves regularly so that planning for the progress of the family happens continuously. I will give them to you and then you can pick which ones you want to work on first (if any)...and parents who team up usually are more effective. Some of you are single parents and these questions work great for two parents or one....the crucial thing is to pick one or two and ACT.

1.  What is the ATMOSPHERE like in our home and family?  What changes are needed?  Or how do we strengthen the good things already happening?
2.  What are RELATIONSHIPS like in our family?  Husband/wife....child to child...parent to child?
Which relationship needs top priority attention and what is the next step?
3. What is family ORGANIZATION like?  The organized functioning of the family does not need to be like a highly successful business...but the basic functioning of the family is greatly influenced by how organized a family is so that the needs of all family members are addressed.  Do you plan, at the outset of the week, for the major events of the upcoming week?  Do you coordinate with each other?  Is the home itself sufficiently organized so that the atmosphere of the home is peaceful and functional?  Does each child have a contributing responsibility?  Each child must feel this is their family too and they want to help it function as it should. Some degree of order in the family is very important.
4. What is the SELF ESTEEM of each family member like? How do you know? What is the next step in helping those who need help?
5. Parents are TEACHERS.  Probably no more crucial role for a parent that to be a teacher in the family. Remember you teach by precept and example.  With WORD and ACTION.  Your example teaches loudly. Any changes needed there?  If you use one night a week for a short family meeting you can have a treat and teach your family something you feel is very important towards their progress.  Good parenting is good teaching.
6. BIG QUESTION........ WHAT IS THE MOST CRUCIAL AND SIGNIFICANT NEED RIGHT NOW AS WE THINK OF THE PROGRESS OF OUR FAMILY?  Identify it and work on it.

PLEASE DO THIS REGULARLY. You can address any of these questions more than once...actually  you should address them many times over as your family progresses.  Ask your children for feedback on the goals and plans of the family as they need to be in on it.  They have a responsibility for helping the family grow, progress and find family happiness.

Well, there is much more but those are a few ideas that might help you take some action to improve your family..unless you have a perfect family that is.. If you do have such a family please right to me and tell me how you did it!!!!!!!!!!  :)  Jim

Now here is a thought that you will need to ponder a bit. I heard it this morning from a friend, Dick Beeson.


Vision without execution is hallucination.

J. Richard Beeson
former Orem City Librarian   Orem, Utah  


"The best kind of helping is proactive because there usually is more of it.  Passive attitudes about helping have one big problem...they are too passive.  Those who are passive about helping commonly do less. Doing good intentionally and proactively with anticipation will bring much more help to many more people.  Who will you  help today..and how?  Do it. You will bless a life along with your own."

Have a nice day.  Sparky