Some years ago I made a list of THE CHARACTERISTICS OF FUNCTIONAL FAMILIES based upon my 30+ years of experience in working with individuals and families in therapy.  By sharing these with you I again invite you to evaluate the status of each of these in your family by using the ten scale.  If you have lots of the functional family characteristic listed then you put a number closer to ten. If you do not have much of that particular characteristic then you select a lower number closer to 0.  You can then get together with your family members and work out a plan to improve the areas that are weakest and need the most help.

CHARACTERISTICS OF FUNCTIONAL (HEALTHY) FAMILIES:

1. The family is not perfect and they accept that as OK.
2. Problems are openly faced and solved together.
3. Parents are not casual about the progress of their family--the intentionally parent--meaning they are proactive and work regularly at improving their family.
4. Unconditional love exists in the family. Other privileges in the family are conditional but love is too essential for it to be conditional.  You can take away the car keys but do not take away love.
5. All members of the family have a well understood shared vision of the purpose and goals of the family.
6. All family members participate in helping everyone in the family feel: important, valuable, worthwhile and significant.
7. Parents exhibit strong and confident leadership.
8. The family has confidence in the Gospel and they strive to live it together.
9. The mother and father each have clearly defined roles in the leadership and functioning of the family and they are accountable to each other for their performance.
10. Righteousness underlies family strength.
11. The family has fun together.
12. Parents have passion for their work as parents.
13. Relationships are highly valued in the family and family members work to strengthen them.
14.There is a lot of mutual support for each other and each other's activities.
15. Members are willing to sacrifice for each other.
16.The family is not rigid in its functioning but has a certain degree of flexibility.
17. The atmosphere of the home is inviting, upbeat, not negative and oppressive.  There is low stress and little negative talk and criticism.
18. Parents are physically and psychologically present.
19. The family feels like a "safe haven from the storm of the world"....there is emotional safety there.
20. Family members feel a desire to "do well in the world" but are not "driven to succeed" by fear of losing family or parental acceptance and approval.
21. Parents do not heavily "control" their children.  Children are guided but not controlled.  They are given autonomy "as they merit it".  However, this does not mean the parents are wimps who do not exhibit clear and definite leadership where in they teach their children how to live well and effectively in the world.
22. There is emotional openness in the family.  Members talk and share a lot.  Family members can laugh at themselves and give and receive feedback.
24. The family does NOT feel a need to present a flawless public image.  They can openly admit their weaknesses and imperfections.
25. Appropriate physical affection is part of family life.
26. Family communication is open, honest, considerate and NOT humiliating, belittling, overly aggressive or negative in tone.
27.  There is a team feeling in the family.  "We are in this together" is the family theme. All members of the family help to accomplish the work of the family including chores.
28. The family is considered a "workshop" where "healthy people are built".  It is a SCHOOL where imperfect people live and learn together. It is the GOSPEL SCHOOL where parents directly and indirectly  teach their children the Gospel.  It is a place of hope that only comes, the the final analysis, through Christ being at the Center of home life. 

I hope you find this help to review in a family home evening or family council where everyone can give their feedback on how the family is doing on each characteristic.  The spirit of the discussion should not be negative or critical---but it should be positive and based upon a common desire to improve the family.  Have a nice day.  Jim