So, why am I doing this? I once wrote a full length book EVERYDAY PARENTS RAISING GREAT KIDS---published by Deseret Book in 2004. I wrote it because I wanted to share my ideas on functional families learned almost totally by my own experience as a parent and grandparent. I also wrote it for my children so they could see my ideas in print and see if they would inspire my children to create their own ideas about healthy parenting. I grew up in a troubled family and as I became a father myself I realized I had never seen a healthy family up close. So I actually went and talked to a number of people who, in my opinion, had fairly healthy families. I wanted to ask them questions and see if I could learn how to be a good parent despite my difficult childhood. I made plenty of mistakes as a young parent but learned a lot over the years. I decided I wanted to share my parenting ideas and see how people reacted to them--so I wrote the 300 page book. It was a fascinating experience to write a book since I had never attempted anything like that before. Getting it published was a great moment in my adult life as I really did not think I could do it. A number of years before I wrote the book I coined a phrase that has been on the wall of our home for probably 30 plus years now------HOME IS WHERE THE MOST IMPORTANT THINGS HAPPEN.
Also, I have been a licensed psychologist for 35 years and my many clients have taught me a great deal. I would like to share some of those ideas, too. I have done a lot of public speaking sharing my ideas on mental health, family, personal growth and development and many other topics that relate to the topic of "people."
I love questions. Answering questions helps us learn from each other. I am interested in almost anything other than math. Math and I do not get along. I got a D in geometry in high school. So none of my blogs will deal with math--but they will deal with almost everything else. I do not think I am smarter than you are. Quite to the contrary. I just like to learn and I like to share what I have learned. So, my blogs will not be "battlegrounds".....but rather they will be "classrooms" where I will write something and invite you to think about it and even respond with your own ideas if you would like to do so. I hope to see you on the road called BLOGS RD...take care. Jim MacArthur oh and my nickname is "Sparky"....in case you are interested.
I failed a college calculus course and felt like I died. I know the real sparky so I will let you know if he does any "puffing"...a legal term for "Gilding the lilly". Always watching.
ReplyDeleteI know this person. I know he is watching me carefully. I will try to be good. Jim
DeleteWhat are the most important things to have or to be prepared before getting married?
ReplyDeleteAsk yourself "what is my own spiritual condition right now?" What is hers? Have we talked about it? What does she value most and what do I value most? Do our values match sufficiently? Do we have common goals that we are willing to work towards together? Does she want her children to grow up and be like their father? Do I want my children to grow up and be like their mother? Such questions reveal the level of compatibility you two have. Talk about them in depth! Take care. Presidente MacArthur
DeleteThat's a big AMEN!!
DeleteThis man is a genius!!
Look forward to blogs in the future. How do you help a daughter to get more self esteem and self worth. Divorced and wandering a bit. 26
ReplyDeleteThis answer will be too simple since I have little room here to give a more detailed answer but self esteem is exactly that----SELF esteem. SELF worth. Self esteem answers the question "how do I feel about myself as I am?" Also, answer a follow up question "Why do I feel that way?" Self worth answers the question "what value do I have and why?"
DeleteI worked with this topic at the Utah State Prison for 5 years and for 35 years as a psychologist. OUR OWN ANSWER TO THOSE QUESTIONS IS CRUCIAL. Quite often when we struggle with our self esteem and self worth it is because we are letting OTHERS answer those questions instead of each of us taking responsibility to do so.
AGAIN, IF YOU DO NOT LIKE YOUR LEVEL OF SELF ESTEEM OR SELF WORTH (assesing it on a ten scale is a good way to evaluate it) then take out a piece of paper and write IT WAS BASED ON THESE THINGS and STARTING TODAY I WILL WORK TO BASE IT ON SOMETHING NEW. Then keep a journal about your daily efforts to base it on something new.
One example (I could give many)........... I recall a person I worked with years ago who said "I do not think very highly of myself (4 on the 10 scale) because I waste much of each day being depressed about myself. I do very little. I feel a lot of self pity. I am sort of self obsessed....but that makes sense doesn't it? I do not like myself so wouldn't you be self obsessed and feeling low self esteem if that was your problem?"
I answered---"Everyone struggles with self esteem to some degree. So it is a matter of moving that 4 maybe to a 7. It does not need to be a 10. Go back over what you just said and ask yourself "What are two or three things I could start doing today that would be things that would help me feel better about myself and feel more personal value?" What if you made some cookies and took them to someone who gets few visits and can't leave the house? Have a chat and leave the cookies. Next, volunteer one day a week at your local elementary school helping kids who struggle with reading do better. Play with your children more. Read a good book. If LDS get a temple recommend and go more. Read the Bible. Read the Book of Mormon. Start exercising. Do you see my point?
What is my point? Most people who suffer from low self esteem or low self worth SPEND A LOT OF TIME FOCUSING ON THEIR NEGATIVES. They focus on what they ARE NOT. I say to them. Stop doing that and choose several things following the theme I gave above AND DO SOMETHING DIFFERENT. DO SOMETHING MEANINGFUL. DO SOME GOOD FOR SOMEONE ELSE. DEVELOP A TALENT. LEARN. GROW. THE FUNDAMENTAL POINT IS---DO NOT SIT STILL. DO NOT ALLOW YOURSELF TO STAY WHERE YOU ARE. YOUR PERSONAL MOTTO NEDS TO BE "I ACCEPT RESPONSIBILITY FOR MOVING MYSELF INTO A DIFFERENT PLACE IN MY LIFE. I WILL NOT QUIT. If I need help--I will ask for it. I will keep track of my progress every day in a personal journal or notebook. You can be the author of the next chapter in your own book. That is what I think.
This makes me so happy!!!!! I've already learned so much from you and I can't wait to learn more! You're the best! Love ya!
ReplyDeleteCourtney Bardsley faced some health challenges that would have been way too much of a challenge for most people--like me. Today she is healthy and vibrant..super pretty....very smart...and she has grown a lot from facing and overcoming her challenges. She did not give up. She wrote the next chapter and it is a super good one. I love Courtney Bardsley
DeleteCan't wait to read and learn more! Thank you for sharing!
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DeleteWhen I grow up I want to be like Linda Easley. :)
didn't know you coined the phrase that was on the mission house's wall. That's awesome.
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