"Some often repent, yet never reform; they resemble a man traveling in a dangerous path, who frequently starts and stops, but never turns back."

Bonnell Thornton

Are you ever disappointed in yourself? Maybe you have,in some way, ACTED BENEATH YOURSELF?  I hate acting beneath myself. But, guess what? I have bad days...occasionally a bad week. I could blame it on someone else I guess....but I know better. And I TOTALLY HATE IT WHEN I HURT OTHERS. That is the worst!
OK...just being honest.

Honest? Wait! I can't afford to be honest!! Some people have a pretty good opinion of me!! If I am honest I might mess it up!! OK...I have a better idea...I can try to be TWO people!! I can be a "pretend self" which exists to hide something about me I do not really want anyone to know! The pretend self exists to conceal aspects of ourselves that we feel we want to protect or hide. It is like a "costume" you wear so you are in control of your external image.  At times we feel we must "keep hidden" something about ourselves we fear to let be known. Like what you ask?  Well, for example some people over-emphasize their physical self by trying to be super handsome or pretty in order to hide some level of inadequacy they feel underneath.  If others can "see" something external that is good...they won't dig deeper hopefully.
Or we may try to achieve awards or important positions...or be smarter than others..superior in some way. Well, hopefully you get the idea...we may be trying to use something EXTERNAL to cover up something that we feel we must conceal in ourselves.

Do not get me wrong....the EXTERNAL ACHIEVEMENTS that I just mentioned can all be very properly motivated and I am NOT saying anyone who has achieved something external that is outstanding is really "hiding something"...or secretly feels inadequate!!! Not at all.
But it is fairly common to see that some of us "hide out" in the way I just described...using the OUTSIDE to cover up what is inside. 
Inadequacy is a fascinating human condition.  I think we all feel it and some of us fear it. But as I have gotten older I have realized...it is 100% OK to feel inadequate.  I think everyone feels inadequate at times.  Don't you?  I grew up feeling very inadequate..and it even carried into my adult life.  I don't worry about it so much anymore...and I am much more comfortable with others knowing that I come up short on things that are important to me.  I wish I were better...often I feel I should be better.  But I am not. And it took me many years to be able to say..."to feel that way...even at my age...is OK."  When we are humble enough to acknowledge our fears and inadequacies...that is when we will be comfortable in our own skin.

But I think investing in our own improvement and growth is way better than hiding beneath something we have created in order to  fool everyone and keep them from knowing we have weaknesses and inadequacies..........I am pretty sure the group of people in the world who have the lowest blood pressure and are less stressed are those who are MEMBERS OF THE CLUB WHOSE MEMBERS ADMIT TO EACH OTHER THEY DO NOT HAVE EVERYTHING FIGURED OUT AND ARE A LITTLE FEARFUL OF HAVING OTHERS DISCOVER THAT FACT...........

I like this thought:  "Goodness is richer than greatness.  It consists not in the outward things we do, but in the inward things we are."   Edwin Hubbel Chapin

I think the "outward things we do" are more important than maybe Mr. Chapin thinks they are......BUT people pretty quickly forget our achievements or the "outward things we do or have done"...but the INWARD THINGS WE ARE....are always there..they do not go away..and for each of us are like the stars on a clear night......

Have a nice day. Oh, by the way..you can disagree with me on anything I write. I just like to offer something now and then that helps us all to think about our lives.  Jim

OK...here is one very very crucial question for all of us to answer:  Why is it when we are presented with an idea, a suggestion, an inspiration, someone else's great example etc...and something inside our head and heart says " I SHOULD DO THAT...I KNOW I SHOULD DO THAT..."  that we then do not do it.  WE DO NOT DO IT.  WHY?

That was a set-up...because I am going to share with you something that I am SURE will change your family in a very constructive, positive way IF YOU DO IT.  If you do not do it,  at least promise me that  you will ask yourself, a week or two from now...Why didn't I do that?  Deal?

COUNCIL
FAMILY COUNCIL.
DIRECTED BY THE MOM AND THE DAD (if there is only one parent in the home then that one parent can do this just the same.)
ALL THE KIDS PARTICIPATE BECAUSE THE MOM AND AND DAD ASK EACH ONE WHAT THEY THINK ABOUT THE TOPIC OF DISCUSSION.
COUNCIL
FAMILY COUNCIL
DIRECTED BY THE MOM AND DAD (if there is only one parent in the home then that one parent can do this just the same.)
ALL THE KIDS PARTICIPATE BECAUSE THE MOM AND DAD ASK EACH ONE WHAT THEY THINK ABOUT THE TOPIC OF DISCUSSION.
Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.
Why did I repeat that?

 Want to guess?  Yes, you are right. BECAUSE IT CAN TOTALLY TRANSFORM THE WELL BEING OF YOUR FAMILY---TAKE IT TO A WHOLE NEW LEVEL.

Why do I think it can help you "big time"...because the foundation upon which FAMILY COUNCILS IS BUILT IS THAT the parents become ACTIVE LEADERS IN THE FAMILY and the children become active participants in building and strengthening the family.  YOU ARE NOT JUST A BUNCH OF PEOPLE WHO HAPPEN TO BE LIVING UNDER THE SAME ROOF. 

YOU ARE A TEAM..A FAMILY TEAM WORKING TOGETHER TO BUILD AND STRENGTHEN YOUR FAMILY.

Up to you....give it a try? Have a nice day. Jim

" Sweet is the smile of home; the mutual look when hearts are of each other sure."

John Keble

I think the question for me, as I read the above quote, is "what does Jim MacArthur contribute or not contribute to such a beautiful atmosphere and spirit in my home?"

"Life gives to all the choice.  You can satisfy yourself with mediocrity if you wish.  You can be common, ordinary, dull, colorless, or you can channel your life so that it will be clean, vibrant, progressive, useful, colorful, rich."

Spencer W. Kimball
President, the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints

We study societies in the history of civilization trying to learn from them so that OUR TOMORROW is improved and fruitful.

I am not an expert on world history but I do find it fascinating and I love to read about it.

I have an opinion about societies that are healthy and endure..........imagine ME with an opinion!! :)

This may surprise you.......but if I could identify ONE SINGLE CHARACTERISTIC that I think is indicative of a truly healthy society (and thus one we would like to build and keep) it would be........................................................................ (do I hear a drum roll?)....................................................................................  MODESTY.

That surprise you?  I think MODESTY is a sign of "ego" that is held in proper bounds and it is a sign of a society that may lean toward being more selfless.  Anyway, MODESTY can be interpreted many ways but hopefully you catch the "spirit" of the word with its various applications in the society we live in today. Think about it.

Have a nice day. Jim

Think of the three people who have had the most positive impact on you in your life...write down WHY they influenced you so powerfully and see if the thee had anything in common. If so, maybe you should adopt some of their powerful characteristics.....

Now write down the three people who had the most negative impact in  your life...and do the same as above...what was it about them that influenced you so negatively?  Write it down...memorize it...STAY AWAY FROM THAT STUFF.

Teach whatever you learned above to your children or a close friend..what you have learned by doing this is WAY TOO VALUABLE  to keep to yourself..... have a nice day. Jim

Want to try out a pretty simple way to improve your personal life, or your marriage, or your family life  (or you can do two of them or all of them if you are brave!) ?

It is called (by me) the THREE WORD APPROACH TO BETTER DAYS AHEAD

What you do is choose THREE WORDS ( or very short phrases are OK) that describe areas where you want to see improvement in your personal life, marriage, or family life. Actually, you can apply this idea to any setting in  your life: work, school, friendships etc etc

Here is an example (I will do this example for a marriage relationship):

1.  DO MY PART UNCONDITIONALLY
2.  USE CALM VOICE
3.  COMPROMISE

 That is it. Just identify three words or short phrases and use them to guide your actions and decisions for thirty days.  If you are really serious about this then keep a little personal notebook just for this project and write in it each day keeping track of how you did that day on each of the three points of focus.

This makes personal change in your own life, or your marriage, or your family REAL and you can SEE change occurring over time as you have something very specific to focus on. Have a nice day. Jim

I heard several good talks in church today on fatherhood and the role and place of fathers in the family and in society.  Strong fathers DEFINITELY make a huge impact on the well being of individual families and society in general. Where fathers become less significant or lose sight of their important role....societies go downhill rapidly according to family research.

In the two talks I heard today (both given by women, mothers)............one of them quoted the First Presidency of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints in 1979 but I did not get down the entire quote.  But the first line was really powerful.....

" Fatherhood is leadership."  (so is motherhood, by the way!  But this talk was focused on fathers since it is Father's Day.)

I have always thought that was true.  Effective fathers cannot afford to be passive or inactive.  I could safely say from my own experience as a father and grandfather (and from having observed many others) that "fatherhood is also proactive".......

Effective fathers ANTICIPATE was is going to happen in their families over weeks and months that lie on the road ahead.  They COUNSEL with the rest of the family to determine a FAMILY ACTION PLAN that they will follow TOGETHER...so that the development and well being of their family happens according to something PRE-PLANNED and pre-considered in family council under the direction of both parents if there are two parents in the home.   

DO NOT LEAVE WHAT IS GOING TO HAPPEN IN YOUR FAMILY TO CHANCE........the parents and the children should hold regular "family councils" to talk about their family values (what is important to all of them in the family) and what steps they ALL need to take TOGETHER to insure that those family values produce observable positive outcomes in the family.

Hope this gives you some good ideas you can discuss together. Happy Father's Day to all the dads out there.......and to the many dads who have finished their work in this life..... Have a nice day. Jim

"The heart of a father is the masterpiece of nature."  

Antoine Francois Prevost
Manon Lescant

OK...so I have the coolest "here is what I learned from a dog" story........

I go walking every morning and I pass by many streets and houses that are the same as I follow a certain "route" during my walk...

EVERY morning, when I pass by a certain house with a chain link fence around it, the SAME LITTLE DOG comes flying off the porch of his house and tears along the fence as I walk by .......BARKING as if the world was coming to an end!  I usually compliment him for his tenacity and he snorts and huffs and puffs and then heads back to sit down on his porch after I continue down the street.

So, today I had an epiphany....I realized that little dog was teaching me an important lesson .. I imagined what he was thinking in DOG THOUGHTS....here is what I imagined......

I am protecting my turf and my family who is inside asleep.  This guy walks by every day and he MUST know by now that he is not going to set one foot on our family turf...because I AM HERE...I AM DOING MY SWORN DUTY TO PROTECT....I am ALWAYS here...YOU CAN COUNT ON ME TO DO MY DOGLY DUTY.  And I just did it once again...and I was victorious and faithful once again...I KNOW that because I am watching that SAME MAN go on down the street.....he is looking back and KNOWS I did my duty and I know he will NEVER set foot on MY property.  I am A TRUE DOG...TRUE TO MY DUTY TO PROTECT MY TURF AND MY FAMILY.  Ha, it is GREAT  to be a dog who knows who he is and knows what he is here to do....you humans might learn something from me if you pay attention,

That is what I learned from my little dog buddy who barks at me every morning as I walk by his turf...he is clearly saying to me....This is MY HOUSE...and I will defend it every day of of my life....huff, puff, snort, tail up in the air to signify conquest...having done his rightful duty....what a great little dog.

Such commitment and devotion......

Have a nice day. Jim

"The world is bad and getting worse. Soon it may be that the ONLY refuge will be found in three holy places, and three only: in the Lord's temples, in the stakes of Zion, and in our homes.  Those places are three pillars of he celestial kingdom. In each, the will of the Lord can be manifested to us.  May we go often to the temple and, in the going, strengthen our homes and make them a heaven and a haven on earth..."
Andrew C. Skinner,  TEMPLE WORSHIP 

So, if you have read any of my other posts you may have noticed that I often use the ten scale to help me (us) evaluate where I stand in important areas of my life.  If I give myself a 2 on patience then I am not doing very well in that area of my life. If I give myself an 8 on holding Family Home Evening then I am pretty consistent in doing that important thing.  
How am I doing on maintaining a spiritual atmosphere in MY HOME?  How am I doing on making time to go to the temple to strengthen myself and renew my perspective on how to guide my family?  Ten scale works great on getting some insight into those areas of my life.  Have a nice day. Jim

"IF WE WOULD SPEND AS MUCH TIME ON OUR SOUL AS ON OUR CAR, WE WOULD ALL FARE BETTER."

....... car, boat, golf game, appearance, income, fame, ranking in our bowling league, making our house "competitive" in the neighborhood..........and on and on....all examples of the same type of thing....

It is not that those things are irrelevant....they each have their own type of legitimate importance in our lives...BUT  compared to the condition of our soul, which goes with us at death, they are clearly much less important.. I think the statement above is just a matter of helping is see the "big picture" a little more accurately.  I do not know who said it.

Some years ago I stood at the deathbed of a friend....he knew he was dying. He was a very educated, highly accomplished person...famous...well known.  His final request was that his wife and children ALL come and be with him, standing around his bed...holding his hand... he wanted to look at them and thank them, he said.  He did not ask to see his many awards, trophies or any other of his very important recognitions.  He wanted to see and be with his family.  Does that mean his earthly accomplishments were unimportant to him or anyone else? No. It just means SOME THINGS ARE MUCH MORE IMPORTANT THAN OTHERS.
Have a nice day. Jim

One of the blessings of getting older is that you realize you have learned a few things over the years you have lived.  Sometimes you are sad because you wish you had learned them earlier but nevertheless, if you believe in eternity, then all learning is of value as your eternal journey continues.
But, here on earth at least we can use what we learn when we learn it. AND we can pass it on to others and to our own family members.  So if any of this makes sense to you and you feel like sharing it with others; please do.

As most of you know the Book of Mormon is an ancient history of a people who lived upon this the American continent from 600 BC to 400 AD...a thousand years.  But they NEVER HAD THE BOOK!  The book was written for us in our day.
With that in mind I am intrigued by what is going on in our time now and what I consider the be one of the key teachings of the Book of Mormon.

Here it is from President Ezra Taft Benson, former president of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints:

"...the Book of Mormon is the record of a fallen people.  Why did they fall?  This is one of the major messages of the Book of Mormon.  The ancient prophet Mormon gives the answer in the closing chapters of the book in these words... 'Behold the pride of this nation, or the people of the Nephites, hath proven their destruction' (Moroni 8:27)  And then lest we miss that momentous Book of Mormon message from that fallen people, the Lord warns us in the Doctrine and Covenants, 'Beware of pride, lest ye become as the Nephites of old.' (D&C 38:39)

The proud will not accept the authority of God giving direction to their lives.  
The proud make every man their adversary by pitting their intellects, opinions, works, wealth, talents, or any other worldly measuring device against others."  Ezra Taft Benson, 1 April 1989

CS Lewis wrote: "Pride gets not pleasure out of having something, only out of having more of it than the next man...It is the comparison that makes you proud; the pleasure of being above the rest.  One the element of competition has gone, pride has gone."  Mere Christianity, 1952

Returning to President Benson...."Pride is the universal sin, the great vice.  Yes, pride is the universal sin, the great vice.  The antidote for pride is humility (see Alma 7:23)

...We must yield to the enticings of the Holy Spirit"...put off the prideful "natural man", and become " a saint through the Atonement of Christ the Lord" and become " as a child, submissive, meek, humble (Mosiah 3:19, Alma 13:28)"

Pride separates us from God and from others around us....humility opens the doors to both.  Have a nice day. Jim

Read this....you will think you "get it"....then read it again and ponder a bit to see how your own bones are doing.........


"TO SUCCEED IN LIFE YOU NEED THREE THINGS:  A WISHBONE...A BACKBONE...AND A FUNNYBONE."

Reba McEntire 

For me, the suffering of people around us is something we cannot and must not ignore--even though it is a fundamental aspect of life on earth---as I have said before...if we do not let suffering and pain defeat us so we give up...then it can teach us and be our traveling companion offering us good advice from time to time.  But it is hard to go through, isn't it?
But don't let it defeat you---it is part of the reason why we are here.  We could not be presented with such deeply difficult decisions and challenges and such gut wrenching developmental suffering where we were before we were born.  We needed to be in a fallen and telestial world to gain such education.

Using a sports metaphor (even though I am not an athlete and never was..but most people understand sports metaphors).........we COULD sit in the kitchen, chatting with a friend, eating ice cream...all so pleasant, right?.......OR go to the weight room and then run wind sprints and see what we are made of as we are pushed and pushed and pushed....sometimes when you are "pushed" you find out a lot about yourself.

Recently, I was studying some about the life of Elie Wiesel.  He is an Israeli Nobel Laureate
who was imprisoned in Auschwitz Concentration Camp in the early 40's during WWII and then transferred with his father to Buchenwald.  Three weeks before the Allied Forces liberated Buchenwald Elie's father was taken and beaten and sent to the crematorium leaving the young boy alone in such awful circumstances. But. after the liberation of the camp, amazingly and miraculously Elie was reunited with his brothers and sisters in France.
My point is NOT to focus on his horrific experience but rather to focus on the wisdom, strength and vision of a person who went through such things in life's telestial school....

Elie Wiesel later wrote:  " I swore never to be silent whenever and wherever human beings endure suffering and humiliation.  We must always take sides.  Neutrality helps the oppressor, never the victim.  Silence encourages the tormentor, never the tormented."

" Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter." Martin Luther King, Jr

Many who suffer in loneliness and helplessness need to hear our voices calling to them and advocating for them.  Jim MacArthur   Have a nice day.  

This will be a unique post in that it is going to give you a short history of the life of Sharol Linden McUne MacArthur, my wife. More commonly known to those who know her as "Sherri".

Today is June 1,2014--and it is our 46th wedding anniversary.  Maybe there will be something in my view of her life history that will be of benefit to you and your family.

I hope she does not "hang" me for doing this as she is a very private person and does not like nor seek attention for herself--unlike her blabbermouth husband!

Sharol Linden McUne was born Dec. 28, 1942 in Richmond, Contra Costa, California to Haswell "Hal" Ross McUne and Linden Ida Knight.  Her nickname quickly became "Sherri" due to a dream her mother had prior to her birth. 

Her father worked in the shipyards of Richmond building ships during the war as WWII was in full swing when Sherri was born.  They were a family of very limited means  so when she was about 5 they moved to some ranch property in Burns, Oregon that was given to them by Hal's mother.  It was unimproved and there was no ranch house so they improvised and hooked up a tractor to an old wooden building with no windows in it and hauled it over onto a hill by some trees and cleaned it out so they could try to live in it.  Life was not easy.
They had horses, cattle, did farming and mom and dad worked in the local saw mill full-time.
Sherri had three siblings--Hap, Sheila and Steve.  Steve passed away while we were on our mission in Chile recently.

Sherri went to the Burns public schools.  Her father was not a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (he finally was baptized at age 60 and the family went to the temple to be sealed) and her mother did not drive so there was no way to get in to "town" (12 miles away) to the small branch of the Church there in Burns.  Finally an older senior couple serving as stake missionaries came out to the ranch and helped Sherri and Sheila get baptized at about age 10 and 8.  Sherri was 10.  She always loved attending Church and had natural faith in Christ.
Life was often pretty rough on the ranch with no running water and no electricity. No electricity until she was in high school and no running water until she had gone off to college at BYU.  She remembers pumping water at 35 below zero to feed the cows.
She and Sheila used to go up on the "rim" and play their flutes together--no neighbors to bother.
She was chosen to go to Girls State while in high school which was a great honor--it was a student leadership conference at the Capitol.
She was accepted to BYU in 1961 and attended there until she went on her mission to Chile 1964-67.  She served under the second and third presidents of the Chilean Mission.  There was only one mission in Chile at that time and no stakes.  The closest temple for Chilean members was located in Mesa, Arizona.
Upon her return home she went back to BYU to finish her degree in English and Spanish,  She met Jim MacArthur while at BYU. She graduated from BYU May 31, 1968 and married Jim in the Manti Temple June 1, the next morning!
Jim taught special education in the public schools in California after his graduation from BYU in 1969 so they lived in Vista, CA.  They arrived there to begin Jim's teaching career with just one son, Toran who was a year old.  Jim's income was $6900 per year...so the family joke has always been that she married him for his money and his car (he had a 1961 VW bug with one head light that worked).

Jim taught there three years during which time David and Paul were born and Jim and Sherri returned every summer to BYU so he could work on and finish his Masters Degree in School Psychology which he did in 1973.  As they were getting ready to return to teach again in Southern California BYU offered Jim a full time position and they decided to stay "for a few years" to have the unique experience of working for BYU.  Those "few years" ended up lasting 38 years until Jim retired as a Clinical Professor in 2010.
During his early years at BYU Jim earned his doctor's degree in Counseling Psychology and was a psychologist and clinical teaching professor in the Counseling Center.
So, what was Sherri up to during those years?  Toran was born, as I said, in 1969...David in 1970, Paul in 1971, Mike in 1973, Lindi and Lori (twins) in 1974, Don and Debbie (also twins) in 1976, Mark in 1978 and Sharolyn in 1981.  That is what Sherri "was up to" from 68 to 81.
She is a super intelligent woman and could have done anything academically in her university work.  Well, she did graduate from BYU, as I said, in English and Spanish...but she put aside plans for graduate work "until later" while she had her ten children and gave her entire attention to them. Due to complex family demands "later for more education" never came.  Just grandkids came!

She did try out for Mrs Universe in 1980 but she lost out in the muscle building section and never made it to the finals (that is a joke in case you do not know my struggling sense of humor)...
But she has always been our Mrs Universe.  With such an awesome posterity she will truly have her own "universe".
At one point she had 8 children with the oldest being just 7.  Then Mark was born and she had 9 under 9.  Sharolyn's birth brought us to ten under twelve.  Keeping up with everything was nearly impossible.  She claims she only did it due to the flawless and amazing help of her husband, Sparky.  Actually, she never said that!
When the two sets of twins were born in 74 and 76 (in a span of 23 months) the bishop had to send several Laurels over every Sunday morning to help us get all the babies ready for church as the oldest ones were still so little they could not help too much.  That was Bishop Bob Parsons; a great bishop.

Here is a great closing story about when we had 9 children and due to health problems Sherri had experienced we felt we should stop at 9.  One day, our oldest, Toran, age 11, came to Sherri and said "Mom, don't you think we could have just one more baby?"  Sherri explained we already had our hands full and we had to consider if we could afford another one and how we take care of another baby etc.  Then Toran uttered his immortal words that ring through the halls of our family history... "But, mom, I am sure we would ALL be willing to eat less so we could have one more baby."  Pretty good for an 11 year old boy.
We did have Sharolyn after that..and we are glad we did as she is such an awesome person...as are all of "Sherri's kids".....who are now all grown up ranging now in age from 32 to 45 with forty grandkids.
That is Sherri's story, actually in abbreviated form...there is much more....the night she sat up all night at LDS Hospital in Salt Lake City with Kim Johnson, an 18 year old neighbor of ours who had been involved in a terrible car accident coming home from Dixie College to take care of her brother Dustin.  Sherri sat up all night at the hospital with Kim, holding her hand while she was dying...so Kim would have "a mom" with her until Nancy, her real mom, could get there the next morning on a flight from California where she and her husband, Ralph were on a trip for BYU.  Sherri did not want Kim to be alone while she was dying so she sat right by her all night to give her what comfort she could until Nancy got there.
And the night Sherri rocked our grandson Parker all night long so his mom could get some much needed sleep for a few hours...until Sherri called Lindi in the very early hours of the morning as she could sense Parker's time was short. Lindi came out and took her son in her arms and held him and rocked him, as Sherri had done...until he passed away in his mother's arms just before noon almost 9 years ago now.

So, Sherri is just a woman who quietly "gets the job done" and sets a beautiful example for her children and grandchildren.  She is not perfect, and as I said, is a very private person...but she is one her family can ALWAYS count on to show them a Christlike example.  I love her and wish I could be more like her.

Why did I write all this, rambling as I am?  Today, June 1, 2014 is our 46th wedding anniversary.  So I thought maybe you would like to share in a little history on a wonderful person who is known by her family, her neighbors, church members we have known for many years, our BYU friends, and now our awesome missionary family...hundreds of missionaries from 20 different countries we were privileged to work with in Chile from 2010 to 2013.  Your mission mother sends her love to each one of you and wishes you were here to share a hug.  Have a nice day.  Jim